Why I Squash Bugs: An Argument Against Militant Veganism

So here I am at my computer. Just chillen out in this space I like to call "my" room. Although, it isn't really my room, since I rent it from the person who has their name on the deed. However, the point is that I have made this space my own. It has my name on the door, my pet on my desk, my tapestry on my ceiling and my drool on the pillow. For these reasons, I declare this space "my room."

Now, I look down (not right now, but hypothetically) and I see a wee bug crawling across my foot. It might be a spider, it might be an ant, it might be an earwig, it might be any number of things. Of the bugs that could possibly be crawling across my bare foot, some of them are harmful to me should they bite me, some of them are not. Some that are harmful will only bite if provoked, others will bite you for seemingly no reason. For this reason, until I gain uberbugknowledge, I treat all creepy crawlies as dangerous.

So I see this bug, and I kill it. I kill it dead. If it's on my windowsill, maybe I'll give it a breath and make it fly off into the night - bugs just bounce when they hit the ground anyway. But if it is in my room - it gets a death sentence. No questions asked - ever.

Now, my vegan friend is sitting next to me. My militant vegan friend. I'm not talking "I don't eat animal products" vegan, I'm talking "violence to all animals in all cases is wrong all of the time" kind of vegan. Intense, rare, and somewhat frightening vegan.

Now, humans are animals - we evolved from other animals, as did the insect I have now on the underside of my boot. I am clearly above this insect on the food chain, nobody is gonna deny that.

You know what else is an animal? A bear. And bears do this really cool thing, just like most mammals will do, that when you go into their house, they will make your existence miserable until you are dead or you leave. Try sticking your hand into a rabbit den sometime and see how long it takes you to start bleeding. Or, if you are really adventurous, sneak up on some Javelinas when they are sleeping and poke it in the face. You are going to get hurt, because you poked a badger with a spoon. You did something to this animal in it's environment that it did not appreciate, and it attacked you, which it was well within it's rights to do. If you were to meet this same badger out and about, doing it's badger stuff, and you've got your spoon at the ready, just in case - the badger will almost certainly leave you alone until you are a threat (and spoons are not terribly threatening).

The same is true of me. If you are an unwanted animal, and you find your way into my room, I am well within my rights as dictated by the laws of nature, to smite you out of existence if I can, or at the very least, chase you away. If you are an animal that I know for a fact is non-threatening (lizard, calm chihuahua, etc.) I will chase you away, but if there is a chance that you could hurt me in my attempts to subdue and get rid of you, I'm going to shoot to kill, because this is a human residence. We are all over the place - you'd think animals would learn by now what a house smells like - rabbits know better than to crawl into caves that smell like bears, squirrels know better than to crawl under dark rocks, and if they havn't learned how not to end up in a human residence, that is their own fault. I am selecting against the stupid animals. I am a force of nature.

By saying that we should never harm any sort of animal life ever, you are, in fact, going against the tendencies and laws of nature.

If you are in my house, and you have not been invited in, I am well within my rights as an animal to make sure you don't come back, by any means that I deem necessary. This is why you can get away with harming burglars if they break in. It's self defense.

So you know what militant vegans? You are the one going against nature, I'm just being an animal, and I'm just fine with that, thank you very much.