I want to talk about labels for a minute here. It is such a common thing to hear from people my age that "oh, I don't like labels" and I get it, you don't want to box yourself in.
But when I ask a guy or a girl if she is gay, it isn't because I want to box them in, it is because I want to know if it is going to be worth my time to hit on them. I don't need a single word that will encompass your entire sexual identity, just the answer to a question that I didn't ask out loud, but is obvious from the context.
But here's the thing, we label ourselves and everything around us all the time. We do. I'm tall. I'm short. I'm awkward. He's funny. She's annoying. They're Asian. She's awesome. That table is a piece of crap. This store is better than that store. Hitler is evil.
Labels are names that we give to things so that we will be able to communicate about those subjects in a manner in which those around us will understand. This is the purpose of language, to communicate an idea from one person to another. Language does not define you - you choose which words you use to describe that table, that store, that turtle, that nazi - why do you think you are the exception?
You are not the exception. You choose which words to label yourself with, the label has no power that you do not give it.
I identify as bisexual. Many people would assert that bisexual means that I am actually supporting the gender binary, which I obviously don't, and this is bullshit. They are the ones boxing me in, not the word. I then explain, if I feel like I have the time, that pansexual would more accurately describe me, but most people don't know that word, and that the number of times I have to clarify that bisexual does not mean binary attraction to men and women, but rather spectrum attraction, is far less than the number of times I would have to explain what pansexual means. Why? Because nobody outside of the LGBT community seems to know that word. It is a frindle. It is a word which is of use only to those who don't need the concept explained to them, and in this regard, completely useless to me.
Language is a tool.
Labels are tools. If you mislabel yourself, or someone misinterprets the label you give yourself, then you change your label. You have the power to define yourself, and the words we have in our lexicon are at your disposal. If you choose not to define yourself, you are more than welcome to do so. If you want to make clear to those around you your sexuality, you are also welcome to do so.
We name things all the time. Whenever we open our months, we name things. And there is a lot of power in a name, so much power in naming something. Case and point, the power that the word "victim" has in a newspaper vs. the word "survivor." A simple word change, and yet it can make a huge difference in the situation. We name things around us, and we name ourselves, and we will continue to do so.
When I started to think that maybe I wasn't as normal and male as I once was led to believe, I went researching. I looked at all the labels I could find, and I spent a lot of time reading. Eventually, because I didn't like any of them, I settled on genderqueer, because it is the most general term I could find. To me, all it means is othergendered. I found a word that I could use to describe myself.
If you are looking for a label for yourself, look though them and find one that feels right. If you change, you can change the label. Labels are tools. Sometimes you have to jerry rig it, sometimes that wrench doesn't fit quite right, but it is close enough. So please, label yourself. Figure out who you are. You don't have to feel confined by a label, you define it, not the other way around.
