*This is a message I wrote to some friends of mine in the middle of a thread which I had been absent from for a while, and while I was gone, they were talking about a girl who seemed to be getting it on with multiple guys. She would hook up with one guy when he came back from portland, and at least two other guys as far as they know seem to be getting with her. Having just watched "Killing Us Softly 4: Advertisings Images of Women" coupled with my already strong interest and stance on sexuality and specifically my exploration and definition of the word slut as supposed to promisuous, which I am still working on, and plan on putting here soon when it is done, I had some things to say. This is my message to those young girls.
I just spent the last 45 minutes watching a speech presentation about how advertising affects women in our society, and there was a bit on men too, but that is not relevant here.
I want you to be very careful when you use the word slut. I have tried to define it in a certain way, and it is very derogatory, and sometimes applicable, but that word is so hurtful, unless you mean it, I don't want to ever hear you use it.
Slut: someone who doesn't know when to say no, and ends up having sex with anyone who asks, usually as a result of low self-esteem and feelings of un-worth
Promiscuous: being promiscuous is having lots of sex, generally with multiple partners, but is not born out of negative feelings, but out of self love and the realization that sex is fun, and if done well and safe, can be a good thing in your life.
Sex is not a bad thing, and sex with multiple partners is not necessarily a bad thing. I will likely never invite the two of you in to know about my own romantic and sexual history (nor do I expect you have any interest in hearing it), however, nobody calls me a slut, except in jest. Calling someone a slut implies that they feel bad about themselves, and while this is subconscious, the effect is making them feel bad about themselves, and this usually leads to more of the behavior that got them branded as a slut in the first place.
Last year, I was a boy toy to a married couple, and I have been a booty call on more than one occasion. I have taken the walk of shame more than once as well, but I never see it that way. It is called the walk of shame because casual sex is looked down upon (as you so aptly demonstrated with your remark about cough slut cough), and this is a fundamental problem with the way we view sexuality.
I am a huge thinker about the way sexuality and gender works. I have always been fascinated with two things: what makes people chose the things they do, and how sexuality works in our society, and I am almost always angered by the way I see both of these turning out.
There was a petition going around for the "no fat-talk week" from one of the sororities on campus, I don't know which one, and I signed it, but I signed it on a piece of paper being held by a women wearing a push-up bra, bleached blonde hair, colored contacts, and all I could think was that we needed a week to emphasize that. I think we need a week for "no slut-talk" and a week where everyone gets out of bed, combs their hair, and goes to school and that's it. No make-up, no hair dye, no colored contacts, no bra. I want people to start seeing other people as people, but no matter how much I try, I can't seem to get anywhere - so maybe I can start with you guys.
(You had no idea I had such strong feelings about this did you?)
No comments:
Post a Comment