Christmasness

SO! For christmas, there were two things I wanted. Just two. And my lovely family helped me out with both of them. One is silly, one is serious. Oh, and I shaved my head, in case any of you guys didn't know that...

I got a sonic screwdriver! For those of you who don't know, this comes from a TV show called Doctor Who. He is a time traveling alien with awesome technology, and this particular item, which can open doors, reprogram stuff, take readings of stuff (mine does none of these, mine just glows and makes noise and expands and contracts) and various other awesome things that need to be done, and the writers need a one-size-fits-all tech device to handle these jobs. I have become quite the Whovian in the past 6 months (watched the entire 6 season reboot run in about 2 or 3 months). Anyway, this is the screwdriver of the 11th doctor, who is my favorite, and I very much identify with him. So now I have his screwdriver, and I just like to point it and make it make noises because it makes me feel awesome. Doctor Who is all about living in this world, but that this universe is way more cool and complicated than we ever expected. This screwdriver is my way of playing make-believe. Long story short: Doctor Who is all about remembering the giddy joy of being a child seeing new things.
So I'd like to thank Jim for getting it for me, it makes me very happy, and I hope to hold on to it for a long time!

In other Doctor Who news: my roomie bought me this TARDIS (Time And Relative Dimension In Space - it's the Doctor's time machine, and it is a huge spaceship that is bigger on the inside and disguises itself as a 1950's London police box) mug. This thing is awesome, when you pour hot liquid into it, the TARDIS disappears from this side of the mug

And reappears on the other side! (The weird noise is the TARDIS engines, I just love that noise. The song is the Doctor Who theme song, 11th doctor rendition)

So those were silly gifts, but I also bought for myself with my christmas money a pair of fire fans.

I had been training with someone elses fire fans, but they were a bit flimsy and old, and they eventually broke (note: I didn't break them, they were very old and lived a long life, I just worked them very hard when I adopted them) and so I had to get some new ones. I went and bought the big brother (heavyweight) version of the fans I had before, and they FINALLY got here. Anyway, I had my first burn with them on wednesday night, so this is the fans after just being used. Very grateful to my family who helped me buy them, and helped me to continue my fan crusade (that's another post, I fear) and circus/fire exploration.

Then, I went and bought myself a present, one that I have wanted for a while, and I am actually going to get to wear it for a party next month (and anytime I want, really...)
I bought myself... wait for it: a corset! Yes, I know, not exactly the body for a corset, but I got an underbust one, and those work surprisingly well for male bodies.

It is all black and shiny and has shiny buckles on it. Not real buckles, purely decorational, but they do their job well. Anyway, I love it.

So I think that's it for christmas stuffs. Thank you again to the family for being so fantastic while I was up there, and for helping me get my fire fans. Hopefully there will be a video of those soon.

Happy New Year, and I love you!

Gender Neutral Pronouns

So you hear queer people bitching about pronouns sometimes. That's cool, not really my gig - I don't care. A pronoun is so small it doesn't really factor into how I see the world, which is why I have no objection to the pronouns used for me since birth. No problem at all. But I want to address those gender neutral pronouns (GNPs) and some of the linguistic problems with them, and why I believe they will never catch on*. I should note that I do believe that one day we will have a third set of pronouns to serve as an umbrella term for queer folks, or better yet readjust our current understanding of our pronoun system to better reflect the spectrum rather than binary, and then our language would hardly have to change at all, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

*I should also note, I am doing this from a descriptive point of view, not a prescriptive one. Meaning that I don't care about what your "correct" grammar is. I am talking about how people actually talk. You'll see what I mean later.

There are four sets of pronouns I want to cover today. The first one: they

I will use each one of these in a sentence so you can see how they play out.
What are they doing?
What did you do to them?
Their foot itches.
Let go of that cookie, it's theirs.
They really care about themself/themselves (that one is tough, but irrelevant)

So, what's the problem here? I have several identifiable problems with this set, so let's identify them.
1) 'they' is already a word in our english language, and while changing the meaning of a word is challenging but not impossible, the meaning it already has would either go away or generate a new word for itself, and then we'd be right back where we started.
1b) additionally, this word already stands in as a gender neutral pronoun, insofar as it stands for when the correct pronoun to use is unclear. For example, in the sentence "someone robbed a bank this morning, but they have yet to be caught." This is an example of the "singular they" that is in common (and reasonable) usage.
2) the use of this preexisting word is problematic in another way as well. It brings up the is/are problem. Because 'they' is a commonly used plural pronoun, our brains automatically adjust our language to think in plurals when using this word (they have, not they has). If this set of pronouns were to be introduced, we would run across one of two kinds of problems. On one hand, all 'they' would stay plural and even as a singular pronoun would remain plural. This introduces a form of ambiguity. In the above sentence about the robber, it is clear from the first sentence that we are talking about a single person of unknown identity, so the use of they is just a placeholder, known to substitute for just one person. But lets say you and hanging out with your friends, who just happen to be all the genderqueer people you know (for me, this is known as "an average time out"). You are talking with your friend, and you point to the group and say "what do they want?" or "what are they doing?" Your friend does not know if you are talking about one person, or the group. However, this problem could be avoided by separating singular and plural constructions, which would then sound like this.
"Someone robbed a bank last night, but they hasn't been caught"
"Look at those ruffians, they are such lowlifes"
"Well would you look at that, they is jumping up and down!"
With this construction, we can tell the difference between our singular they and our plural they. If we were going to use this form of  GNPs, this is how I would do it because I do not like ambiguity. Does it sound strange? Absolutely. Is 'sounding strange' the only thing wrong with this construction? I think so.

Alright, I'm gonna let that one go for now, we'll come back to it.

The second set: X
This one is really easy to show why it is a terrible idea, so I'll do it now.
I am going to give you a sample sentence, then I am going to rewrite it in IPA
the way it is written, then I am going to write it in IPA the way it is actually said, and then I am going to translate that into what the writing would be for it. You'll see what I mean.
Sample "What is xe doing?"
IPA written /wʌt ɪs zi duiŋ/
IPA spoken /wʌɾɪziduiŋ/
Written form of IPA spoken "What is he doing?"

The reason for this (if you don't believe me, read the sample sentence at a normal speed, maybe put a sentence or two before it to get in the speaking mindset) is assimilation and the fact that english is not spoken how it is written. We ignore many of the spaces in our speech (as do nearly all languages I've heard) and so our words get smooshed together. Now, the first word (what) ends in a voiceless stop, and it is followed by a vowel. It turns from a /t/ into a tap (that little funny looking r thing: ɾ) in this case. The same thing happens in the word 'butter' - say it quickly and you'll notice your /t/ is not the same /t/ as it 'table.' Now here is the interesting part. The word preceding the pronoun is 'is' which ends with a voiceless fricative. The following word begins with a voiced fricative with the same place of articulation (/s/ and /z/ are the same sound, one voiced one not). In english, two adjacent consonants cannot disagree on voicing. In order to get out the /s/ and the /z/ separately, you have to work really hard, and you will usually glide over it all as a /z/. This is due to assimilation. Now I want you to read the sentence "what is he doing?" very quickly, and you will notice that your /s/ still turns into a /z/ sound. I actually have no explanation for why this happens, all I know is that it does.

My problem with these pronouns is that in the subject sense at least (and I'd be willing to say that subject case is the most important) it is indistinguishable in many cases from masculine pronouns. The rest of them will work - xem, xyr, xyrs, xemself - but if you can't put together the words 'is' and 'xe' without clarifying, you will have a lot of problems.


Number three: ze

Now, you may notice the subject form is 'ze' which is different from 'xe' is writing, but they are both pronounced the same way /zi/ (unless you are trying to tell me that 'xe' is pronounced /xi/ which is a velar fricative. Say "chutzbah' with that really cool sounding hebrew h sound and you'll see what /xi/ sounds like - and that would just be silly, because that sound doesn't appear in our language ever). If they are pronounced the same way (since we are talking about how language is spoken, not how it is written) the same argument that I put up before works again.

I should make note, however, that the rest of them (hir, etc.) are really good. I can find no reason not to use them. Because they end in rhotics rather than nasals (r as supposed to n/m) they are easily differentiable from the other pronouns. I also cannot think of any sentences with ambiguity in them as a result. Also, none of these pronouns are already words.
The word 'hear' you pronounce /hiɹ/
The word 'ear' you would pronounce /iːɹ/
And the word 'hir' you would pronounce /iɹ/

There doesn't seem to be much difference between 'ear' and 'hir' but also notice that one is a body part noun, and one is a pronoun. If you can think of any structures that would use these words in the same way interchangeably, then you win and there is a reason not to use these pronouns.

Number four: the Fonz
Sorry, I had to make a Fonzie joke when I saw the 'EY!'

I would need some clarification on pronunciation (does eir sound like 'air' or 'eyer'? By the way, I was very pleased to find out that there is in fact a word for "one who eyes") but this is also a tricky one. So I will take it step by step
Ey (/eʲ/): I love this one. The vowel is different from any other subject pronoun (/hi/, /ʃi/) and is not already a word in our language other than the expletive used by the Fonz, and I don't think we are in danger of getting those mixed up.
Em: This is terrible, it sounds just like a commonly spoken version of "them" (don't believe me, say "what did you do to them?" in normal speech - it will come out "what did you do to'em" most of the time) and so we'd be better off using the singular they (first set) which is a bad idea in itself.
Eir (air): In case you forgot what a possessive adjective is, since I did, I'll remind you with a sample: don't move that one, eir leg is broken. You might notice that this is the same as the use of the singular they again, but merely removing the 'th-' from the beginning (and for this reason, I suspect the creators of this set intended it to be pronounced 'air'). However, in this case, because nobody shortens "their" as they do with "them" this one is not under the same problem. But then again, if you are going to use 'eir', you might as well not invent a new word and just stick with 'their.'
Eir (eyer): First of all, it would be the only two syllable pronoun of its class, which is a disadvantage, because the point of a pronoun is to shorten things, and a two syllable pronoun seems silly.
Eirs: it's the same as eir, just go read that.
Emself: shortening of "themself" so just go read the object argument.
--------------------

So, if I were king of language, I have a clear set of pronouns. They are not put into clean, predictable sets like these are, but english has never been clean and predictable. If it were, it would be spanish. English is insane - we do all sorts of things that make absolutely no sense, but we get by with little to no communication error.
Sure, I might say "the kangaroo is ready to eat" and some people think about feeding a 'roo and some people think about dinnertime, but generally we can figure out what's going on.
I have no problem with irregularity, as long as I can say it easily and people will understand my meaning.

So here is my constructed list of gender neutral pronouns as stolen from this list.
Subject: Ey
Object: Hir
Poss Adj: Hir
Poss Prn: Hirs
Refx: Hirself

AS LONG AS THE H IS SILENT! This will never work if the 'h' is not silent. That gets really hard to say really quickly. Plus, just as with 'he' in the sentence 'what is he doing?' the h disappears very quickly in speech, so I'm not that worried.

Now, we just need a gender neutral colloquialism.
Here are some sentences to get you going
"Hey, what's goin on man?"
"Woah, dude! Look at that!"
"Alright guys..."
You get the picture. In each one of these situations, the person speaking could have been a man or a woman speaking to a man or a woman (though the second one I wrote with a male speaking in mine... kind of a surfer). But still, my point remains. In my speech, I use dude, man, and guys as gender neutral words. I refer to a large group as guys, and dude and man are just words to signify that I am talking to the person I am with.
Also, the words 'woman,' 'lady,' and 'girl' do not work in this case. If you say woman when you are talking to that same woman (not when you say "hey, look at that woman), you are risking getting a slap. You can never start a sentence with "hey, woman" and get away with it. A similar problem stands for lady. I dunno about you guys, but it seems incredibly patronizing to me (also, a higher class term, hardly one I want to turn into a colloquialism). Girl presents yet another similar problem, because it is a juvenile term for woman, and no woman would ever get away with saying "hey, what's going on boy" to a man. That wouldn't fly, so I wouldn't expect or wish "hey, what's goin on girl" to fly either. Now that I write that, I realize we as a culture say that all the time, but we also say "quit being a pussy" - just cuz we say it doesn't make it ok.

There are no acceptable female or neutral equivalents for this part of speech. Hey people - any ideas?

New Year's Resolution

So, this past weekend I gave myself a haircut. This is it.

This was not a rash decision, not one I made lightly - I loved my hair very much. This is the shortest my hair has been in my memory. I did this for a reason, and it is a good reason, and I'd like to share it with you all.

Last year I made a very large new year's resolution. I made it about two weeks late, but it was on my mind, and with the help of an amazing human being, I found the courage to do what I needed to do: I changed my name. It was hard. It took time. It took struggle and alienated a few people, some temporarily, and some it has certainly altered my relationship to them forever. But at the end of the year, sitting with my friends on new years eve, spinning fire, drinking champagne - legally, for the first time in my life, I might add - playing music and doing acrobatics and hand-balancing (welcome to our parties) someone introduced me to a stranger. She was a fellow fire spinner working for my friend's fire troupe, azer, which is somewhat of a sister group from my acro group aeros. Anyway, introductions, and I was introduced as Fenix. This has become quite common, everyone calls me Fenix now over here with the rare slip up which is quickly corrected, and this was not different in any way. But I remembered that at the beginning of the year, I said that I would change my name, and that by the end of the year, there would be people in my life who didn't know that I was born under a different name. I succeeded in my goal, and this year I wanted to try to improve my life again, so I decided to cut my hair.

I also intend to give away a bunch of clothes wear, but really don't need, to get rid of a lot of the other crap in my life, and some crappy stuff in my mind and in my life. I am cutting my hair because it gets in the way with circus. I am getting to the end of my college career, and circus auditions are looming, and I want to be ready. I want to be compact. I want to be sleek and efficient and effective, and I resolve to make the appropriate changes in my life to make this so.

Etymology Of My Name

So I was doing my thing this morning, and I posted something online, and someone asked the question "is Phoenix really your name" and for the first time in my life, they were not talking about my last name, which is kinda cool. So I told them that yes, it is my name, but no,  I do not spell it that way. I then decided, just for the fun of it, to see what happens if I do some research on the name Fenix as I spell it. Using the website that is my best friend, etymonline.com, I was able to search for the word Phoenix and I got results (which makes sense, as it is a common english word). The results, however were very cool. And I'll tell you them in a minute, after I give a small family history/language catch up for anyone who doesn't know.
My family name (Cobbledick) is derived from an old british surname Cuppledich of which the oldest record that I've been able to find was in the 12th century AD. Now, right around the 12th century is where Old English was becoming Middle English, so it is tough to say what language the first recorded Cobbledick spoke, but it is going to be one of these two, and they are not that far apart.
Old English is a Germanic language in the Indo-European family, and Greek (where the word Phoenix came from) is a Hellenic in the Indo-European family. They are related, if distantly.

Now check this out. The word there is a word in old english for "phoenix," and it is a really good cognate, enough to say that the word was created before the germanic/hellenic split, which isn't that hard to believe, because the concept of the phoenix has been around for a very long time - the ancient egyptians wrote about them. The word, of course, is fenix.

Did I know this when I changed my name? no. I hadn't the foggiest idea that I was picking a name that was a word in the language that my ancestor likely spoke. It was a complete and total accident. However, it is also really cool, and now I have a great story behind the name.

This also means that nobody is allowed to give me shit about the spelling of my name ever again, just so everyone knows.

Why I Squash Bugs: An Argument Against Militant Veganism

So here I am at my computer. Just chillen out in this space I like to call "my" room. Although, it isn't really my room, since I rent it from the person who has their name on the deed. However, the point is that I have made this space my own. It has my name on the door, my pet on my desk, my tapestry on my ceiling and my drool on the pillow. For these reasons, I declare this space "my room."

Now, I look down (not right now, but hypothetically) and I see a wee bug crawling across my foot. It might be a spider, it might be an ant, it might be an earwig, it might be any number of things. Of the bugs that could possibly be crawling across my bare foot, some of them are harmful to me should they bite me, some of them are not. Some that are harmful will only bite if provoked, others will bite you for seemingly no reason. For this reason, until I gain uberbugknowledge, I treat all creepy crawlies as dangerous.

So I see this bug, and I kill it. I kill it dead. If it's on my windowsill, maybe I'll give it a breath and make it fly off into the night - bugs just bounce when they hit the ground anyway. But if it is in my room - it gets a death sentence. No questions asked - ever.

Now, my vegan friend is sitting next to me. My militant vegan friend. I'm not talking "I don't eat animal products" vegan, I'm talking "violence to all animals in all cases is wrong all of the time" kind of vegan. Intense, rare, and somewhat frightening vegan.

Now, humans are animals - we evolved from other animals, as did the insect I have now on the underside of my boot. I am clearly above this insect on the food chain, nobody is gonna deny that.

You know what else is an animal? A bear. And bears do this really cool thing, just like most mammals will do, that when you go into their house, they will make your existence miserable until you are dead or you leave. Try sticking your hand into a rabbit den sometime and see how long it takes you to start bleeding. Or, if you are really adventurous, sneak up on some Javelinas when they are sleeping and poke it in the face. You are going to get hurt, because you poked a badger with a spoon. You did something to this animal in it's environment that it did not appreciate, and it attacked you, which it was well within it's rights to do. If you were to meet this same badger out and about, doing it's badger stuff, and you've got your spoon at the ready, just in case - the badger will almost certainly leave you alone until you are a threat (and spoons are not terribly threatening).

The same is true of me. If you are an unwanted animal, and you find your way into my room, I am well within my rights as dictated by the laws of nature, to smite you out of existence if I can, or at the very least, chase you away. If you are an animal that I know for a fact is non-threatening (lizard, calm chihuahua, etc.) I will chase you away, but if there is a chance that you could hurt me in my attempts to subdue and get rid of you, I'm going to shoot to kill, because this is a human residence. We are all over the place - you'd think animals would learn by now what a house smells like - rabbits know better than to crawl into caves that smell like bears, squirrels know better than to crawl under dark rocks, and if they havn't learned how not to end up in a human residence, that is their own fault. I am selecting against the stupid animals. I am a force of nature.

By saying that we should never harm any sort of animal life ever, you are, in fact, going against the tendencies and laws of nature.

If you are in my house, and you have not been invited in, I am well within my rights as an animal to make sure you don't come back, by any means that I deem necessary. This is why you can get away with harming burglars if they break in. It's self defense.

So you know what militant vegans? You are the one going against nature, I'm just being an animal, and I'm just fine with that, thank you very much.

Everyone Loves A Good Monologue

So I have been thinking recently, what are my favorite monologues?
Anyway, I thought about it, and I narrowed it down to three.
And here they are, not ranked in order of how much I like them, because they all do different things for me.
If you click on the title, it will take you to a video so you can hear them, and the text under is the transcription.


1. The President from Independence Day

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. "Mankind." That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can't be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it's fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice: "We will not go quietly into the night! We will not vanish without a fight! We're going to live on! We're going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!”

2. Morpheus from The Matrix Reloaded

ZION, HEAR ME: It is true what many of you have heard, the machines have gathered an army and as I speak that army is drawing nearer to our home. Believe me when I say we have a difficult time ahead of us. But if we are to be prepared for it, we must first shed our fear of it. I stand here, before you now, truthfully unafraid. Why? Because I believe something you do not? No, I stand here without fear because I remember. I remember that I am here not because of the path that lies before me but because of the path that lies behind me. I remember that for 100 years we have fought these machines. I remember that for 100 years they have sent their armies to destroy us, and after a century of war I remember that which matters most... We are still here! Tonight, let us send a message to that army. Tonight, let us shake this cave. Tonight, let us tremble these walls of earth, steel, and stone, let us be heard from red core to black sky. Tonight, let us make them remember, THIS IS ZION AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID!

3. The Doctor (11th) from Doctor Who, Season 5, Episode 12, The Pandorica Opens

Sorry, sorry - dropped it

Hello, Stonehenge! Who takes the Pandorica, takes the universe, but, bad news everyone, ‘cause guess who! Ha! Listen, you lot you’re all whizzing about. It’s really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because…I AM TALKING!

Now the question of the hour is, “Who’s got the Pandorica?” Answer: I do.

Next question: Who’s coming to take it from me?

Come on! Look at me! No plan, no back-up, no weapons worth a damn! Oh, and something else I don’t have: Anything to lose!!!

So! If you’re sitting up there in your silly little spaceships with all your silly little guns and you’ve got any plans on taking the Pandorica tonight, just remember who’s standing in your way! Remember every BLACK DAY I ever stopped you and then, and then… do the smart thing: Let somebody else try first

That’ll keep ‘em squabbling for half an hour... Romans...

All of these speeches have one very important thing - they are all about power of the powerless.

Whether it is the humans going up against the space travelling aliens with lazer weapons, the humans going up against the machines (the war which devastated the world) or the Doctor going up against every big bad in the universe, all of these speeches are about realizing that even when you have no power, you have power, because you have your thoughts, and you have your will, and you have your words, and nobody, not ever, can take those away from you.
What are your favorite monologues/speeches? What words have moved you so deeply that they stick with you? What words can make the hair on the back of your neck stand up, when you are filled with such strong emotion? Words and language are arguably the most powerful force we can exert on one another, and what we do with them is so incredibly important - how will you use your wors?

Survivor's Guilt

I want to talk for a bit about survivor's guilt. It won't be a long post I hope, but it is something I want to get down. First, as always when talking about touchy subjects, a disclaimer. I know that survivor guilt is no longer a DSM classified disorder and listed as a symptom of PTSD. That is to say, when I talk about survivor's guilt in the context I plan, I am not meaning any offense to the people who experience this as a symptom of a psychological disorder. I recognize that they are not the same thing (though similar ideas) and I do not mean to trivialize your struggle with it, I just want to take the idea and use it to talk about a related, though less extreme, situation I have been a part of.
That being, said, let's move on.

I grew up in Tucson, AZ. Arizona has a lot of problems, and I would say that Tucson has the same problems, but less of them, and to a lesser degree. The racism and sexism and homophobia that I have heard about going on in the public school systems across this country are terrible, and Arizona has them too. But we didn't. I went to an alternative elementary school, and then a middle school and high school that was so tight knit that if anyone were subjected to the kinds of bullying I've seen in the news recently, there would be hell to pay in a minute. The teachers cared, the students cared, and everyone worked to create a solid learning environment where everyone felt safe - I know I did. BASIS is a good example of how to run a program without bullying.

I have always been good at standing up for myself. I take very little crap, and I take it from a small list of people. If a stranger starts giving me flak, I do not back down - I have been this way for quite some time, ever since I found my voice.

I see these kids on the news, like the Michigan kid getting repeatedly punched in the face after being ambushed IN A SCHOOL CLASSROOM and Matt, who the new michigan law (I don't know if it passed, but it basically says "no bullying, unless you can think of a moral or religious reason for it," and as one senator said, they are not stopping bullying, they are providing a blueprint for it, telling people exactly how to get away with it) was created in honor of - called Matt's Safe School Law - was bullyed at school to the point of his suicide 40 days after having syrup and eggs dumped on his head for being gay (if anyone can figure out the bully's train of thought on that one, you get 10 points).

I know there are people speaking for these kids. Kevin Epling, Matt's father now works for an organization called Bullypolice USA, speaks for these kids. Gretchen Whitmer, who spoke on just how terrible the new law is, speaks for these kids. The adults are speaking for these kids. The GLSEN (gay lesbian straight education network) works with politicians and parents around the country to get policy changed to help these kids. I am a bisexual genderqueer kid who has NEVER faced any adversity. None. I mean, I get the stray faggot remark, the occasional tranny catcall, I've even been called a buttpirate a few times in my life (those were kinda funny, actually) but I have never been subjected to what I would consider bullying - not ever. Here I am, someone who knows what life can be like outside of bullying as an othergendered and othersexualized kid who grew up with a talent for speaking big words and standing up or himself, and what the hell am I doing about it?

There are all these kids around who are hurting, and I have no idea how to help. UO has one of the highest ratings of any public university in the nation in terms of friendliness towards the LGBT community. When they have events in public, people either come by and have a good time, or they just walk past - we never get harassed or heckled. I have students and friends in the 4J school district (equivalent of TUSD for Eugene) and I've never heard of anything like the things happening in Michigan happening here. It's like I moved from one little bubble (high school) to another (Eugene) where everything in fine, even though there are messed up kids and situations all across this nation.

So I guess I am feeling a mixture of survivor's guilt, that I got out of high school without any damage, mixed with a little bit of guilt for having the ability to affect change, and not acting on it, because I am too busy enjoying my perfect little life in my socially conscious and accepting bubble of a city.
What's a guy to do?