"Thomas Edison tried and failed nearly 2,000 times to develop the carbonized cotton-thread filament for the incandescent light bulb. And when asked about it, he said 'I didn't fail; I found out 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb'"
~Nicolas Cage as Ben Gates in National Treasure
I have no idea if this is true or not, but it is a cool idea nonetheless, and one I want to talk about.
So somewhere over the past few years, I apparently became good at handstands. It was a gradual process, and I really couldn't point to a time when I couldn't do them and then I could. People have also started to notice, which means I am now getting questions asking for handstand advice.
By a huge margin, the most popular exchange I participate in is the following:
"Hey, what can I do to get better at handstands"
Do handstands...
"Are there any exercises that I can do to get better?"
Yeah, there are. They are called handstands
Handstands are a delicate balance within your body. You have to align everything just right so that everything is right where it needs to be so that all forces cancel and you are left perfectly still atop your hands. Moving your body through the air in a handstand is much like writing. Incredibly small moves can create large consequences, and precision is required. Handstands, as with writing, comes in personalized form - everyone does them differently. If you don't write for a while and then write an essay, your hand is going to cramp up because those muscles are not getting used. With handstands, your muscle memory is what keeps you up, not conscious thought, and so if you don't keep training your muscles, they will fail you.
There are some things in this world which are irreducibly complex, and handstands are almost one of them. You can do headstands and other smaller handbalancing tricks, and that will teach you what alignment feels like, but you are honestly better off doing that with handstands against a wall. In the end, the only way to learn how to extend through your arms and legs at the same time and to find a place where everything just settles in, is to fall a couple thousand times.
The idea is this. For any given goal, there are a large number of wrong answers (possibly infinite) and a smaller number of correct solutions. If you continue to attempt over and over and over again, and if you make sure to try to avoid making the same mistake more than once, you will eventually, in theory correct every single possible mistake you are making until you get it right.
We are just such a society that likes easy answers. I know. I am a math major - and wolframalpha is my best friend, and as my math teacher said "mathematicians are lazy." But more than easy answers we like success. That makes sense to me. I get that. Success is good, it makes us feel good and it means we have done something. This is why we as students (and as people) are taught that a good strategy for problem solving is to break the problem up and do different pieces at different times, or just to set small goals for ourselves in a long procedure. In general, this is one of the best advices I can give people. But not for circus. In circus, you have to just go. You have to know the idea, and you have to do it, and do it, and do it until you figure out what works. Because unlike math, or literature or many other worthwhile pursuits, circus has a handwriting aspect to it. Two people doing a math problem could very easily obtain the same solution through the same means, and it is likely the more simple the problem is. And someone can show you, and you can repeat exactly what they did. But with circus, as with writing, your body is unique. You and you alone have knowledge of how it works, and so you can imitate, but you cannot duplicate, what you see in others, and in learning from them, you are forced to develop your handwriting.
So try a different approach. Just take your problem, and fail a few thousand times, and when you finally get it, it will be just about the best thing ever.
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label philosophy. Show all posts
Monday, February 27, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
They Changed It
In one of my favorite movies, Dustin Hoffman, who plays the producer of a theatre, says to Johnny Depp, who plays J.M. Barrie, author and playwright of Peter Pan,
Charles Frohman: You know what happened, James, they changed it.
J.M. Barrie: They changed what?
Charles Frohman: The critics, they made it important... hm, what's it called? What's it called?
J.M. Barrie: Play.
Charles Frohman: Play.
And that really struck a chord with me. Taking something that we all love and changing it into something that it shouldn't be.
I had that realization about something in my life today that I love. Math class. Somewhere in the past 4 years of my life they changed it. I've seen it changed before, but not in my classroom.
I saw it 10 years ago, when I was deciding which middle school I liked best. I went to Vail, a school with a GATE program that looked great, and all was awesome until I went to the math class and saw kids who didn't understand, and didn't ask questions. They were actually afraid to ask questions, and I wondered why that was. Now I know, because they did it to my classroom.
Somewhere in the past three years, they took math class, and made it about knowing the answers. It used to be about finding the answers, about learning how other people found answers. But now it seems to be about having the answers. And when you speak up in class, and say "I'm sorry, I don't understand a word of what you just wrote on the board" or even "wait, what was that?" you get them ost incredulous looks from some students and the teacher who them procedes to explain to you like you are five just how clear it is that this definition makes it. To which I reply "well, it isn't clear because I don't get it" and then they give you a roundabout answer, you figure it out in the book yourself and we forget the whole thing happened.
When did questions become a bad thing? Cuz the way I remember it, and correct me if I'm wrong about this one, Mrs. Kolesikova, but a question was an opportunity the way I remembered it. An opportunity for the teacher to teach someone something, an opportunity for another student to get some clarity on something, and an opportunity for that student to get one of those ever elusive "ah-HA" moments that all mathematicians long for. A question was an indication that your job was not done yet, and that this student wanted to see this the way you saw it, and was brave enough to admit that he or she could not see it yet. Of course he or she can't, that is why they are in your class - to learn about what you have to teach.
So.
When I ask you to go over the first problem of the homework that I just spent the last 15 minutes talking to everyone around me about how nobody had a fucking clue what was going on in that problem, and you tell me "oh, it's a very naïve solution, I'll show you" (that is his word for "simple," I figured out) and then writes the solution and then basically scolds me for not understanding it. I believe his exact words were "we went over this in week three, so you have no excuse for not knowing this." By the way, I checked with the other kids in my class - nobody had seen that before, including the grad student we went to get help from. When you act like a question is a chore that you should put the least amount of effort into, you remember this, Professor: if I don't understand something, it is because you have not done your job in properly explaining something, and I am allowing you the opportunity to fix that.
I noticed something: this is the norm in math classes here...
What happened? Why did they change it?
Charles Frohman: You know what happened, James, they changed it.
J.M. Barrie: They changed what?
Charles Frohman: The critics, they made it important... hm, what's it called? What's it called?
J.M. Barrie: Play.
Charles Frohman: Play.
And that really struck a chord with me. Taking something that we all love and changing it into something that it shouldn't be.
I had that realization about something in my life today that I love. Math class. Somewhere in the past 4 years of my life they changed it. I've seen it changed before, but not in my classroom.
I saw it 10 years ago, when I was deciding which middle school I liked best. I went to Vail, a school with a GATE program that looked great, and all was awesome until I went to the math class and saw kids who didn't understand, and didn't ask questions. They were actually afraid to ask questions, and I wondered why that was. Now I know, because they did it to my classroom.
Somewhere in the past three years, they took math class, and made it about knowing the answers. It used to be about finding the answers, about learning how other people found answers. But now it seems to be about having the answers. And when you speak up in class, and say "I'm sorry, I don't understand a word of what you just wrote on the board" or even "wait, what was that?" you get them ost incredulous looks from some students and the teacher who them procedes to explain to you like you are five just how clear it is that this definition makes it. To which I reply "well, it isn't clear because I don't get it" and then they give you a roundabout answer, you figure it out in the book yourself and we forget the whole thing happened.
When did questions become a bad thing? Cuz the way I remember it, and correct me if I'm wrong about this one, Mrs. Kolesikova, but a question was an opportunity the way I remembered it. An opportunity for the teacher to teach someone something, an opportunity for another student to get some clarity on something, and an opportunity for that student to get one of those ever elusive "ah-HA" moments that all mathematicians long for. A question was an indication that your job was not done yet, and that this student wanted to see this the way you saw it, and was brave enough to admit that he or she could not see it yet. Of course he or she can't, that is why they are in your class - to learn about what you have to teach.
So.
When I ask you to go over the first problem of the homework that I just spent the last 15 minutes talking to everyone around me about how nobody had a fucking clue what was going on in that problem, and you tell me "oh, it's a very naïve solution, I'll show you" (that is his word for "simple," I figured out) and then writes the solution and then basically scolds me for not understanding it. I believe his exact words were "we went over this in week three, so you have no excuse for not knowing this." By the way, I checked with the other kids in my class - nobody had seen that before, including the grad student we went to get help from. When you act like a question is a chore that you should put the least amount of effort into, you remember this, Professor: if I don't understand something, it is because you have not done your job in properly explaining something, and I am allowing you the opportunity to fix that.
I noticed something: this is the norm in math classes here...
What happened? Why did they change it?
Thursday, February 2, 2012
How To Not Accidentally Sound Like A Jerk
This is going to be the homophobia edition, because I can't really talk about anything else, but it is important that you know where this is coming from. It is coming from a discussion on race
Angry Eye is an experiment/experience conducted in which college aged students are separated by eye color, and various amounts of learning and tears ensue. I highly recommend you watch it before reading this post, but as it is over 50 minutes long, I'll do my best to write as if you have not.
"When I look at you, I don't see you black"
"When I look at you, I don't see you queer"
"You arn't a black person to me, you are my friend"
"You are not just a queer kid, you are my friend"
Gonna say right off, I want you to understand, never utter these phrases or anything involving these constructions. Ever. Especially those first two. Those are really gnarly, and now I am going to explain to you why that is.
I wrote this with the word black, so I'm just gonna keep it that way, but you can exchange it for the word queer, or alter-abled or any oppressed ethnicity or what have you.
"When I look at you, I don't see you as black"
What is intended: you are my friend, and I think of you as my friend, and I don't think of you as "that black person"
What this means to the speaker: I do care about you as a person, and I want to make it clear to you that I am not racist because you are my friend and it is the worst thing to have your friends think poorly of you.
What this implies to the listener: people whom you do not care about and who are not your friends (people not me), you do think of them as black. Furthermore, by being your friend, in your eyes, I have un-othered* myself. I have been granted this privilege of no longer being othered by you, the otherer, because you are in power, and I am not, and as long as things remain that way, you want me to remain at a place where being your friend is the best thing I can do, because I am stuck this way.
Appropriate response: fuck you
*My definition: To be an other in a society like ours is to be a minority, and one that receives different treatment disproportionate to your difference. Handicapped spaces are an example of differing treatment that is not disproportionate, because the difference between alter-abled, and whatever you call someone who is not, often implies a more difficult time moving around. Putting a group alter-abled people in a separate school because their legs don't work is othering.
Many people on the privileged side of privilege are confused about this response, which I will reiterate, is quite reasonable. The point that you are missing is that what you intend and what it implies to a person who has been othered by society are completely different. This is not a bad thing, you should not be ashamed of your privilege, but you should be aware of it, and when someone gets (in your opinion) disproportionately pissed off at something you believed to be completely innocuous, chances are pretty good it is because you did not understand their point of view.
In such a situation, because you are trying to say "I care about you," now would be a great time to prove it. Explain that you did not understand what was so harmful about that statement, and then (second most importantly) ask them to explain it, and (most importantly) accept it as a truth, not an opinion. They experienced your words in this way, that is a fact. You are not here to argue if their experience is justified, you are here to understand why what happened happened and you are here to make sure it doesn't happen again, because they were hurt by your words, and you don't like hurting your friends, do you?
I was asked by a friend of mine, how would I avoid this negative implication. Simple answer, you can't. It simply cannot be done. This phrase will, and has in my experience, triggered anger nearly 100% of the time. It can't be done. The best thing you can do is understand why, and how to deal with it once it happens.
So I have had a lot of people of varying closeness in my life, and at one time or another, being human, many of them have made mistakes. Many of them have said "oh man, that is so gay" or "look at that faggot" or anything along those lines. It happens. I understand that. You have been trained to use the word gay as a synonym for "thing I don't like" and the word faggot to mean "that person I don't like" and this is not your fault. I understand that. It is the fault of those who came before you. It is your job now to be aware of that, and to take steps to change it.
When I point out that someone has made a booboo, there are, in general, three (four) categories that the reactions I receive fall into.
1. That wasn't what I meant
2. Oops
3. OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY
(and the unspoken fourth category, because the people who say this are not my friends, and therefore I have no business trying to get them to understand)
4. Fuck you faggot
Two of these categories of response are acceptable, one is unnecessary, one makes all othered people sigh, and one of them will result in someone punching you in the face.
Gonna tackle them one by one.
1. That's not what I meant, you are taking this too seriously, calm down, etc.
These are the biggest privilege denying responses there are, and as a responsible friend to an othered person (hint, that is almost every single college aged person in America), it is your job to understand where your friend is coming from, and this response is not the way to tell them "I want to learn."
This is the one that will make people sigh, because we hear it all the time. If this kind of response were applied to a statement about women and a feminist spoke up, this response would be a great example of "mansplaining." It happens. All. The. Time. Remember people, I don't blame you for your training, but once I point out that you have done wrong, I expect you to be an adult about it and own up to it.
This is the most common response.
2. Best response you can give. Obviously, don't say "oops" but admit that what you said was wrong, and then ask how it was wrong (and listen to the response) and then, for the love of all that is good, don't make the same mistake twice. I know that what you did was most likely a knee jerk reaction to something. I know your brain went through the process of "I don't like that thing, that thing is (... umm... what's the word people use most ofte)GAY" and I don't blame you for that. So when I point it out, go "whoops" and mean it, and then try not to do it again. If you do, try to be mindful and correct yourself.
3. This one is almost the best response. Some people might love this one. I don't. And here's why.
That's it - I just don't need one. You are my friend, and all I need to know is that you recognize that what you said is wrong and will try not to do it again. Mistake leads to apology leads to forgiveness leads to move on. If you dwell on any of those steps, you will not be the better for it.
4. Fuck you faggot.
Fuck you, you privilege-denying, slur-slinging, homophobic, insecure, sack of ignorant shit, you have no place in my life, begone with your hate filled discriminatory ways.
Have I said things that were interpreted in other ways than I intended? Does the sun rise in the morning? Am I white? Uhhh, yeah. Did I react perfectly every time? Psh.
Do I endeavor to be better? Absolutely. Do I believe I deserve some of that benefit of the doubt? Yes. Do I believe I should be excused from my mistakes? No, but I believe I should be forgiven.
In this instance, I do my best to apply the golden rule. I treat those who make mistakes with the same level of forgiveness and compassion with which I would expect to be treated.
So, How To Not Accidentally Sound Like A Jerk: can't be done. However, what you can do is this: realize when you have been a jerk, apologize for being a jerk, and hope that your friends and you have a loving enough relationship so that they can forgive you, and then you in turn forgive them when they make mistakes, because everybody does it. Everybody has some privilege.
My roommate and I have been working on an idea of the überprivilege. It is the following (in America, mind you)
Straight, white, cissexual, male, able-bodied, young, thin, christian, there may have been others but that's what I've got.
If you are a gay, african, transwoman, alter-abled, old, heavy, and muslim in america, you might have a case for not having any privilege. But if you have any of those privileges, be aware of them, and be aware that you are at risk for saying something stupid and offending someone you love. Just remember that you love them and can convey that, and you'll be fine, I expect.
Angry Eye is an experiment/experience conducted in which college aged students are separated by eye color, and various amounts of learning and tears ensue. I highly recommend you watch it before reading this post, but as it is over 50 minutes long, I'll do my best to write as if you have not.
"When I look at you, I don't see you black"
"When I look at you, I don't see you queer"
"You arn't a black person to me, you are my friend"
"You are not just a queer kid, you are my friend"
Gonna say right off, I want you to understand, never utter these phrases or anything involving these constructions. Ever. Especially those first two. Those are really gnarly, and now I am going to explain to you why that is.
I wrote this with the word black, so I'm just gonna keep it that way, but you can exchange it for the word queer, or alter-abled or any oppressed ethnicity or what have you.
"When I look at you, I don't see you as black"
What is intended: you are my friend, and I think of you as my friend, and I don't think of you as "that black person"
What this means to the speaker: I do care about you as a person, and I want to make it clear to you that I am not racist because you are my friend and it is the worst thing to have your friends think poorly of you.
What this implies to the listener: people whom you do not care about and who are not your friends (people not me), you do think of them as black. Furthermore, by being your friend, in your eyes, I have un-othered* myself. I have been granted this privilege of no longer being othered by you, the otherer, because you are in power, and I am not, and as long as things remain that way, you want me to remain at a place where being your friend is the best thing I can do, because I am stuck this way.
Appropriate response: fuck you
*My definition: To be an other in a society like ours is to be a minority, and one that receives different treatment disproportionate to your difference. Handicapped spaces are an example of differing treatment that is not disproportionate, because the difference between alter-abled, and whatever you call someone who is not, often implies a more difficult time moving around. Putting a group alter-abled people in a separate school because their legs don't work is othering.
Many people on the privileged side of privilege are confused about this response, which I will reiterate, is quite reasonable. The point that you are missing is that what you intend and what it implies to a person who has been othered by society are completely different. This is not a bad thing, you should not be ashamed of your privilege, but you should be aware of it, and when someone gets (in your opinion) disproportionately pissed off at something you believed to be completely innocuous, chances are pretty good it is because you did not understand their point of view.
In such a situation, because you are trying to say "I care about you," now would be a great time to prove it. Explain that you did not understand what was so harmful about that statement, and then (second most importantly) ask them to explain it, and (most importantly) accept it as a truth, not an opinion. They experienced your words in this way, that is a fact. You are not here to argue if their experience is justified, you are here to understand why what happened happened and you are here to make sure it doesn't happen again, because they were hurt by your words, and you don't like hurting your friends, do you?
I was asked by a friend of mine, how would I avoid this negative implication. Simple answer, you can't. It simply cannot be done. This phrase will, and has in my experience, triggered anger nearly 100% of the time. It can't be done. The best thing you can do is understand why, and how to deal with it once it happens.
So I have had a lot of people of varying closeness in my life, and at one time or another, being human, many of them have made mistakes. Many of them have said "oh man, that is so gay" or "look at that faggot" or anything along those lines. It happens. I understand that. You have been trained to use the word gay as a synonym for "thing I don't like" and the word faggot to mean "that person I don't like" and this is not your fault. I understand that. It is the fault of those who came before you. It is your job now to be aware of that, and to take steps to change it.
When I point out that someone has made a booboo, there are, in general, three (four) categories that the reactions I receive fall into.
1. That wasn't what I meant
2. Oops
3. OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY
(and the unspoken fourth category, because the people who say this are not my friends, and therefore I have no business trying to get them to understand)
4. Fuck you faggot
Two of these categories of response are acceptable, one is unnecessary, one makes all othered people sigh, and one of them will result in someone punching you in the face.
Gonna tackle them one by one.
1. That's not what I meant, you are taking this too seriously, calm down, etc.
These are the biggest privilege denying responses there are, and as a responsible friend to an othered person (hint, that is almost every single college aged person in America), it is your job to understand where your friend is coming from, and this response is not the way to tell them "I want to learn."
This is the one that will make people sigh, because we hear it all the time. If this kind of response were applied to a statement about women and a feminist spoke up, this response would be a great example of "mansplaining." It happens. All. The. Time. Remember people, I don't blame you for your training, but once I point out that you have done wrong, I expect you to be an adult about it and own up to it.
This is the most common response.
2. Best response you can give. Obviously, don't say "oops" but admit that what you said was wrong, and then ask how it was wrong (and listen to the response) and then, for the love of all that is good, don't make the same mistake twice. I know that what you did was most likely a knee jerk reaction to something. I know your brain went through the process of "I don't like that thing, that thing is (... umm... what's the word people use most ofte)GAY" and I don't blame you for that. So when I point it out, go "whoops" and mean it, and then try not to do it again. If you do, try to be mindful and correct yourself.
3. This one is almost the best response. Some people might love this one. I don't. And here's why.
- If I care enough to point out that what you said was not ok, you are already my friend and I already like you.
- If you are my friend, chances are you are not a racist/homophobic sack of shit.
- If you are not a homophobic sack of shit, chances are occurrences like this are fairly rare.
- If occurrences like this are fairly rare, you deserve the benefit of the doubt that this was the result of societal training and not you being a supreme douchecanoe.
- If the occurrence was the result of societal training, I don't need a huge apology.
That's it - I just don't need one. You are my friend, and all I need to know is that you recognize that what you said is wrong and will try not to do it again. Mistake leads to apology leads to forgiveness leads to move on. If you dwell on any of those steps, you will not be the better for it.
4. Fuck you faggot.
Fuck you, you privilege-denying, slur-slinging, homophobic, insecure, sack of ignorant shit, you have no place in my life, begone with your hate filled discriminatory ways.
Have I said things that were interpreted in other ways than I intended? Does the sun rise in the morning? Am I white? Uhhh, yeah. Did I react perfectly every time? Psh.
Do I endeavor to be better? Absolutely. Do I believe I deserve some of that benefit of the doubt? Yes. Do I believe I should be excused from my mistakes? No, but I believe I should be forgiven.
In this instance, I do my best to apply the golden rule. I treat those who make mistakes with the same level of forgiveness and compassion with which I would expect to be treated.
So, How To Not Accidentally Sound Like A Jerk: can't be done. However, what you can do is this: realize when you have been a jerk, apologize for being a jerk, and hope that your friends and you have a loving enough relationship so that they can forgive you, and then you in turn forgive them when they make mistakes, because everybody does it. Everybody has some privilege.
My roommate and I have been working on an idea of the überprivilege. It is the following (in America, mind you)
Straight, white, cissexual, male, able-bodied, young, thin, christian, there may have been others but that's what I've got.
If you are a gay, african, transwoman, alter-abled, old, heavy, and muslim in america, you might have a case for not having any privilege. But if you have any of those privileges, be aware of them, and be aware that you are at risk for saying something stupid and offending someone you love. Just remember that you love them and can convey that, and you'll be fine, I expect.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Why I Squash Bugs: An Argument Against Militant Veganism
So here I am at my computer. Just chillen out in this space I like to call "my" room. Although, it isn't really my room, since I rent it from the person who has their name on the deed. However, the point is that I have made this space my own. It has my name on the door, my pet on my desk, my tapestry on my ceiling and my drool on the pillow. For these reasons, I declare this space "my room."
Now, I look down (not right now, but hypothetically) and I see a wee bug crawling across my foot. It might be a spider, it might be an ant, it might be an earwig, it might be any number of things. Of the bugs that could possibly be crawling across my bare foot, some of them are harmful to me should they bite me, some of them are not. Some that are harmful will only bite if provoked, others will bite you for seemingly no reason. For this reason, until I gain uberbugknowledge, I treat all creepy crawlies as dangerous.
So I see this bug, and I kill it. I kill it dead. If it's on my windowsill, maybe I'll give it a breath and make it fly off into the night - bugs just bounce when they hit the ground anyway. But if it is in my room - it gets a death sentence. No questions asked - ever.
Now, my vegan friend is sitting next to me. My militant vegan friend. I'm not talking "I don't eat animal products" vegan, I'm talking "violence to all animals in all cases is wrong all of the time" kind of vegan. Intense, rare, and somewhat frightening vegan.
Now, humans are animals - we evolved from other animals, as did the insect I have now on the underside of my boot. I am clearly above this insect on the food chain, nobody is gonna deny that.
You know what else is an animal? A bear. And bears do this really cool thing, just like most mammals will do, that when you go into their house, they will make your existence miserable until you are dead or you leave. Try sticking your hand into a rabbit den sometime and see how long it takes you to start bleeding. Or, if you are really adventurous, sneak up on some Javelinas when they are sleeping and poke it in the face. You are going to get hurt, because you poked a badger with a spoon. You did something to this animal in it's environment that it did not appreciate, and it attacked you, which it was well within it's rights to do. If you were to meet this same badger out and about, doing it's badger stuff, and you've got your spoon at the ready, just in case - the badger will almost certainly leave you alone until you are a threat (and spoons are not terribly threatening).
The same is true of me. If you are an unwanted animal, and you find your way into my room, I am well within my rights as dictated by the laws of nature, to smite you out of existence if I can, or at the very least, chase you away. If you are an animal that I know for a fact is non-threatening (lizard, calm chihuahua, etc.) I will chase you away, but if there is a chance that you could hurt me in my attempts to subdue and get rid of you, I'm going to shoot to kill, because this is a human residence. We are all over the place - you'd think animals would learn by now what a house smells like - rabbits know better than to crawl into caves that smell like bears, squirrels know better than to crawl under dark rocks, and if they havn't learned how not to end up in a human residence, that is their own fault. I am selecting against the stupid animals. I am a force of nature.
By saying that we should never harm any sort of animal life ever, you are, in fact, going against the tendencies and laws of nature.
If you are in my house, and you have not been invited in, I am well within my rights as an animal to make sure you don't come back, by any means that I deem necessary. This is why you can get away with harming burglars if they break in. It's self defense.
So you know what militant vegans? You are the one going against nature, I'm just being an animal, and I'm just fine with that, thank you very much.
Now, I look down (not right now, but hypothetically) and I see a wee bug crawling across my foot. It might be a spider, it might be an ant, it might be an earwig, it might be any number of things. Of the bugs that could possibly be crawling across my bare foot, some of them are harmful to me should they bite me, some of them are not. Some that are harmful will only bite if provoked, others will bite you for seemingly no reason. For this reason, until I gain uberbugknowledge, I treat all creepy crawlies as dangerous.
So I see this bug, and I kill it. I kill it dead. If it's on my windowsill, maybe I'll give it a breath and make it fly off into the night - bugs just bounce when they hit the ground anyway. But if it is in my room - it gets a death sentence. No questions asked - ever.
Now, my vegan friend is sitting next to me. My militant vegan friend. I'm not talking "I don't eat animal products" vegan, I'm talking "violence to all animals in all cases is wrong all of the time" kind of vegan. Intense, rare, and somewhat frightening vegan.
Now, humans are animals - we evolved from other animals, as did the insect I have now on the underside of my boot. I am clearly above this insect on the food chain, nobody is gonna deny that.
You know what else is an animal? A bear. And bears do this really cool thing, just like most mammals will do, that when you go into their house, they will make your existence miserable until you are dead or you leave. Try sticking your hand into a rabbit den sometime and see how long it takes you to start bleeding. Or, if you are really adventurous, sneak up on some Javelinas when they are sleeping and poke it in the face. You are going to get hurt, because you poked a badger with a spoon. You did something to this animal in it's environment that it did not appreciate, and it attacked you, which it was well within it's rights to do. If you were to meet this same badger out and about, doing it's badger stuff, and you've got your spoon at the ready, just in case - the badger will almost certainly leave you alone until you are a threat (and spoons are not terribly threatening).
The same is true of me. If you are an unwanted animal, and you find your way into my room, I am well within my rights as dictated by the laws of nature, to smite you out of existence if I can, or at the very least, chase you away. If you are an animal that I know for a fact is non-threatening (lizard, calm chihuahua, etc.) I will chase you away, but if there is a chance that you could hurt me in my attempts to subdue and get rid of you, I'm going to shoot to kill, because this is a human residence. We are all over the place - you'd think animals would learn by now what a house smells like - rabbits know better than to crawl into caves that smell like bears, squirrels know better than to crawl under dark rocks, and if they havn't learned how not to end up in a human residence, that is their own fault. I am selecting against the stupid animals. I am a force of nature.
By saying that we should never harm any sort of animal life ever, you are, in fact, going against the tendencies and laws of nature.
If you are in my house, and you have not been invited in, I am well within my rights as an animal to make sure you don't come back, by any means that I deem necessary. This is why you can get away with harming burglars if they break in. It's self defense.
So you know what militant vegans? You are the one going against nature, I'm just being an animal, and I'm just fine with that, thank you very much.
Monday, October 17, 2011
Beauty In The World
Because of my choice in friends - people who are open to alternatives to the gender and sexuality binary, people who don't buy in to all the stuff that I write and complain about - I tend to be friends with a lot of people who could very easily be described as hippies. Which means that as a result of this, I am exposed to a great amount of stuff that could also very easily be described as "hippie dippie" or "woo woo" stuff.
Now, I am going to save us all a lot of time and reading by summing up my opinion on this stuff: do not believe. I believe the woo woo to be on the same level as the invisible creation man in the sky who punishes and rewards one species on one planet in one solar system of the entire universe that he created.
In case you are unclear about what I mean by the woo woo, I shall clarify, because there is some hippie dippie stuff that happens to not fall under the woo woo category (y'know, because there is scientific evidence for it). Things that do (and of course, this is opinion, not fact, as I am not an expert): astrology, homeopathy, energy work done through simple touch (massage is not this), praying to your God or Goddess of choice, and many other things that I would need to be reminded of, but you'll see the pattern here soon enough.
The pattern here is simple, and is in fact the exact same reason I have a problem with sports stars thanking God when they win the game. It is the same reason I have a problem with people going to confession to get forgiveness for their sins. All of these remove the humanity from a choice.
From a christian perspective: when you do well, it is God's work, when you do poorly, it is your fault (yay guilt!).
From a non-christian perspective: when you get better, it is because someone touched you in just the right way, or because the onion juice you diluted into oblivion cured you, and if you get sick, it is because your diet is full of pollutants and you havn't cleared your body of the nasties that wander in through your food.
When someone is strong and independent and knows what they want, and you ask them their birthday and you respond, "oh, it all makes sense now - you are Scoprio!" and or maybe it's "oh, you are Leo!" or maybe "oh you are Taurus"
Go look at all of the signs at the same time, and you will see an absurd amount of overlap.
"I know why you did it. You were afraid, who wouldn't be?" These beliefs granted you safety. That there was something up there watching us, be it a God or the idea of all creatures being connected, or that the stars and their gravitational pull on each other somehow has any effect on my personal characteristics. It makes sense to see patterns in humanity, but the criterion for the patterns is way too loose, and as science has shown, humans are fantastic at forgetting things that hurt us and/or don't fit with the way we want to be.
And if that is all it is, to make yourselves feel better, I can completely understand why you did it. But please, consider what it is doing to you when you are not looking - it is removing the humanity from Choice. I value choice above all else - it is what defines me personally as alive - my ability to choose. A plant lives, a plankton lives, but there are only select creatures on this planet who are truly alive. Most if not all of them fall in the animal kingdom.
These beliefs do not remove choice from people, but they at least partially remove the idea that the things that follow from your choices are directly following from those choices. Credit is not being given where credit is due. If you pray for your God to help you out, and then you finally confront your drunken father who has been abusing you and you get him arrested and into rehab and your family doesn't fall apart - it is not because of God. It is because you were an impossibly strong human being who was able to step up and take responsibility for your own life and make things better. If you are sick and someone poked you a couple times and you go around being nice and feeling better, it is not because someone shifted your energy pathways, it is because you decided that you were tired of wearing the grumpypants and that you wanted to make a change in your life.
But the problem with people, is that we generally do not believe ourselves to be impossibly strong. We are told our whole lives that we are weak, that we need help. We know that change is hard, we know that it is sometimes impossible. So we invent things to serve as catalysts for change, when in reality they are not catalysts, they are excuses to get things rolling.
So when something happens to me like the things that have happened recently - one after the other, events seem to be happening around me that are exactly what I need. Huge potential for things to blow up in my face and ruin a lot of things for me are not blowing up - and random acts of kindness from people are. Stuff in my life has just been working recently. And from a woo woo or God perspective, the stars are aligned in some way, or I did something to deserve this.
I believe none of that. I believe in coincidence. I believe that a lot of stuff has been going well for me, and I am so incredibly grateful for that. And when things start to go poorly, because they will, because nothing good ever lasts (because life is imperfect), I will realize that it is a coincidence, and that I need to work hard to turn things around. I will not blame it on Venus or Mercury going retrograde. I will not blame it on the gays. I will not blame it on the thetans inhabiting my body. I will blame it on life being what it is and then take responsibility for fixing it.
Try this for a week: when things go well, be happy about them and when things go wrong, be sad about them. Do not ascribe any meaning to the events beyond the events themselves - see the beauty in the good, and the ugly in the bad. Enjoy the beauty, and eschew the bad.
When people say that atheists see no joy or beauty in the world, they are off base - we see just as much beauty, because we look at the world and we see the world in all of its glory and power, and to a lot of atheists, there is nothing more beautiful than that.
Now, I am going to save us all a lot of time and reading by summing up my opinion on this stuff: do not believe. I believe the woo woo to be on the same level as the invisible creation man in the sky who punishes and rewards one species on one planet in one solar system of the entire universe that he created.
In case you are unclear about what I mean by the woo woo, I shall clarify, because there is some hippie dippie stuff that happens to not fall under the woo woo category (y'know, because there is scientific evidence for it). Things that do (and of course, this is opinion, not fact, as I am not an expert): astrology, homeopathy, energy work done through simple touch (massage is not this), praying to your God or Goddess of choice, and many other things that I would need to be reminded of, but you'll see the pattern here soon enough.
The pattern here is simple, and is in fact the exact same reason I have a problem with sports stars thanking God when they win the game. It is the same reason I have a problem with people going to confession to get forgiveness for their sins. All of these remove the humanity from a choice.
From a christian perspective: when you do well, it is God's work, when you do poorly, it is your fault (yay guilt!).
From a non-christian perspective: when you get better, it is because someone touched you in just the right way, or because the onion juice you diluted into oblivion cured you, and if you get sick, it is because your diet is full of pollutants and you havn't cleared your body of the nasties that wander in through your food.
When someone is strong and independent and knows what they want, and you ask them their birthday and you respond, "oh, it all makes sense now - you are Scoprio!" and or maybe it's "oh, you are Leo!" or maybe "oh you are Taurus"
Go look at all of the signs at the same time, and you will see an absurd amount of overlap.
"I know why you did it. You were afraid, who wouldn't be?" These beliefs granted you safety. That there was something up there watching us, be it a God or the idea of all creatures being connected, or that the stars and their gravitational pull on each other somehow has any effect on my personal characteristics. It makes sense to see patterns in humanity, but the criterion for the patterns is way too loose, and as science has shown, humans are fantastic at forgetting things that hurt us and/or don't fit with the way we want to be.
And if that is all it is, to make yourselves feel better, I can completely understand why you did it. But please, consider what it is doing to you when you are not looking - it is removing the humanity from Choice. I value choice above all else - it is what defines me personally as alive - my ability to choose. A plant lives, a plankton lives, but there are only select creatures on this planet who are truly alive. Most if not all of them fall in the animal kingdom.
These beliefs do not remove choice from people, but they at least partially remove the idea that the things that follow from your choices are directly following from those choices. Credit is not being given where credit is due. If you pray for your God to help you out, and then you finally confront your drunken father who has been abusing you and you get him arrested and into rehab and your family doesn't fall apart - it is not because of God. It is because you were an impossibly strong human being who was able to step up and take responsibility for your own life and make things better. If you are sick and someone poked you a couple times and you go around being nice and feeling better, it is not because someone shifted your energy pathways, it is because you decided that you were tired of wearing the grumpypants and that you wanted to make a change in your life.
But the problem with people, is that we generally do not believe ourselves to be impossibly strong. We are told our whole lives that we are weak, that we need help. We know that change is hard, we know that it is sometimes impossible. So we invent things to serve as catalysts for change, when in reality they are not catalysts, they are excuses to get things rolling.
So when something happens to me like the things that have happened recently - one after the other, events seem to be happening around me that are exactly what I need. Huge potential for things to blow up in my face and ruin a lot of things for me are not blowing up - and random acts of kindness from people are. Stuff in my life has just been working recently. And from a woo woo or God perspective, the stars are aligned in some way, or I did something to deserve this.
I believe none of that. I believe in coincidence. I believe that a lot of stuff has been going well for me, and I am so incredibly grateful for that. And when things start to go poorly, because they will, because nothing good ever lasts (because life is imperfect), I will realize that it is a coincidence, and that I need to work hard to turn things around. I will not blame it on Venus or Mercury going retrograde. I will not blame it on the gays. I will not blame it on the thetans inhabiting my body. I will blame it on life being what it is and then take responsibility for fixing it.
Try this for a week: when things go well, be happy about them and when things go wrong, be sad about them. Do not ascribe any meaning to the events beyond the events themselves - see the beauty in the good, and the ugly in the bad. Enjoy the beauty, and eschew the bad.
When people say that atheists see no joy or beauty in the world, they are off base - we see just as much beauty, because we look at the world and we see the world in all of its glory and power, and to a lot of atheists, there is nothing more beautiful than that.
Friday, August 19, 2011
On Attractiveness of Skill
A preface on the subject. Part of being attracted to someone is their physical attractiveness. This is not all that composes how attracted I am to someone, but it would be foolish to say it didn't matter in the least. This post is STRICTLY about physical attractiveness. If you want to call me shallow for my standards of physical attractiveness, you are full of tautology, because that is just what physical attractiveness standards are: shallow. The important part to remember is that there is more to attraction than this, I am merely not talking about them, because that isn't what I want to spend the next week of my time doing.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way, I want to make clear what I mean by attractive in the physical sense (as every time I use the word attractive will mean from here on out unless otherwise stated). Actually, scratch that, that is bloody hard to do. Put simply, if I am attracted to a person, it means that I think that sex with them is something I would not be opposed to. This is not to say that I am going to take efforts to make sexual activity happen between us. But this is to say that if for some insane reason we ended up in bed together, I would be physically enjoying myself. It's a pretty simple concept, try not to make such a big thing out of it.
One of my goals here is to describe my "type" without using any clichés, which I know is going to be impossible, so just bear with me. No, you know what, that is going to be to hard, so lets try something else.
Lets make a list of possibles, like in the DSM - they don't say "if you have these symptoms, you have the following condition" no, they say if you have a certain number of these traits, it is likely you have the following condition and it would be a wise plan to consult a professional who knows what they are doing to get a better idea - but you never confirm it. Which is why we still have doctors and not computers with statistical analysis engines being the psychiatric diagnosticians. Point being: there is no formula for a type, but there are patterns and generally identifiable characteristics.
I want you all thinking about your own Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Sexual Attraction. It is a worthwhile exercise I have found.
There is a long list, and I have it in my head, and since this is a public blog, I think I'm going to keep it that way. But there is one that I think I can confidently say without offending anyone terribly - it is my personal attraction, and if you look at the people I date, you will see it is true.
I generally like slender people. I don't really know why, but something about slender people is attractive to me. But wait, that isn't really true is it - I might know why. Let's think about this. Thought experiment time! Why is it (for me personally, not for everyone) a trend to be attracted to slender people?
Sexually have I found slender people to be better in bed (meaning that are they a fit for me - nobody is universally good in bed. Sex between people is a relationship just as any other activity between people, and some people are a good fit and some are not) as a general rule? Now that I think about it, no. That isn't true at all, and I can think of a couple counterexamples.
So I am not attracted to them because they are generally better in my experience in bed with me.
Could it be.... actually, that's all I got. Why else could I be more physically attracted to a certain type almost definitely if it has nothing to do with any correlation with sexual ability?
And what do you do when you come to a nonconclusion about a question and don't know what to do? Start doubting your assumptions - perhaps I have defined this question incorrectly?
Yes, I answer myself (since I am recapping my own thought experiment, I already know where this is heading), I made an incorrect assumption. It was actually the first one I made - physical appearance and personality are actually not unrelated. Didn't think about it at first, the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" thing and all, but think about it - if someone has a lot of piercings, there is a pretty good chance their ambition is not to be come a state senator. Not that we could never have a senator with piercings, it's just that people that tend towards political activity and the public forum and being a part of our political system and people who tend towards many many piercings don't have a lot of overlap. And of course there is some as with all categories, but it would not be unreasonable to make this assumption.
So what can we reasonably say about thin people? Erm. They are thin. Shit. dead end.
Welcome to my thought experiment, I ask a lot of questions, and don't answer a lot of them.
What is it not reasonable to say about thin people? Ah ha! What can you reasonably not assume about thin people? What do thin people not do? Nope, still nothin
Ok, maybe I was questioning the wrong assumption - maybe I am not attracted to thin people at all, but possibly a quality that is really highly correlated with thin people. But obviously since I have been with people who I am highly attracted to but who would not be considered as thin as others, this quality is not perfectly correlated with thinness.
Right around this point in my thought experiment, I went off on a huge tangent about qualities that the people I surround myself with have, and things that correlate with thinness, and even went out to questioning that physical attractedness has anything to do with sexual desire whatsoever. I will save us a buttload of time by letting you know that all of these tangents got me absolutely nowhere, so we'll get to the stuff where I actually figured things about myself out. And where did I find it? The same place I always do - back at the beginning. But not my beginning, the first idea about how a species operates on a large scale. Darwin - yeah.
What makes a certain portion of its species go on? Fitness. Reproductive fitness primarily, but other kinds as well. Back long ago, people who couldn't fight off the occasional animal got dead really fast and couldn't go on. Makes sense to me. But obviously, ability to fight off animals isn't important today (there is still a standard attractiveness standard related to this, which is why the rugged mountain man with a gun and an elk head on his wall is still the hottest thing out there to some people - and that's cool, to each his or her own) so there are going to be those who find something else as a marker of reproductive fitness. Reproductive fitness sounds weird - like soley the function of your genitalia determines your fitness. Which we know not to be true. Women who smoke and drink frequently are less capable of carrying healthy offspring. Men who smoke (I don't know about drink) are less likely to be able to impregnate a woman. Obviously, there is more to it than the function of your genitalia. Let's just use the word fitness from now on - just a general fitness in life. To be able to do well in life, whatever that means to you, is your definition of fitness. If it means running a company is doing well, then that is fit for you. And if having children and raising them in the country is to do well, then someone who is very capable of doing that with you is going to be very fit to you. This is how I account for different tastes in people - I think it stems (in part) from your version of what it is to succeed in life.
So what is fitness for me? What do I consider success in my life? Well, I want to join a circus company and spend my life in the air and playing with fire and spreading creativity around and making beautiful art with my body. I also want to write that book about the philosophy of movement, specifically movement as language and means of communication. I want to leave the place I am in constantly and connect with as many people as I can and share with them the creative vision of whoever I am working for. And since we are all kind of narcissistic, we want someone with similar views as us as form of self love, but also that you want someone to fit with you, so it only makes sense that we would want people in our lives who support us in one way or another. So what kind of person fits with that lifestyle of circus and writing?
I don't need someone who can do the exact same thing, but I need someone who can help me, I think.
I think what I need is someone who can keep up with me (and obviously this goes both ways - if (s)he can keep up with my stuff, but (s)he is a religious leader in charge of persecuting the gays, I am not going to be able to keep up, i.e. that we won't be able to connect - when I say that I need, I mean that it is half of what would define a relationship, the other half needs to be there too) and connect with me on those levels.
So I'm kinda lazy, and stereotyping is easy, and we all do it every day, and there is no point denying it. We're all a rittle bit lacist (if you havn't seen Avenue Q you are not allowed to get upset about that). What kind of person can connect with me on that highly physical existence that I have? Oh man... in physically minded people. Oh man... in-shape people.
All in shape people? Psh, no - tons of in shape people whom I don't feel the slightest desire to sleep with.
Frustrating topic for me, you see.
If not just in-shape people, then what? Ok, I've got it - people who do stuff. That's what it is - people who do stuff. It doesn't matter what you do, so matter as you do it. If you swim, you swim your heart out. If you rock climb, you go out and rock climb and kick ass at it. If you climb a rope and do tricks on it, you come train with me and my friends. If you want to kick a ball around a field, you commit yourself to it. Have you ever met a person who was really intensely into honing their body who wasn't thin?
Finally got it.
I am not attracted to a nice body alone, I am attracted to nice bodies that were gained from years of work and perseverance at perfecting the physical discipline intended.
"I don't care what you believe in, just believe it"
~Shepherd Derrial Book, Firefly
I don't know about that, but I do agree when it comes to physicality. I think that in this society of laziness and apathy and technology and way too many ways to fail to take care of yourself mentally and physically it is of the utmost importance, in order to survive, to keep yourself sharp. I think that is success - to keep your mind and body working effectively for a long time, and to do that, you have to work them out.
So swim, do circus, tricks, play soccer, do triathlons, speed skate or whatever. Just do it and kick ass at it. Then in your downtime, do puzzles or crosswords or debate or play scrabble. Or do really lengthy thought experiments and see where you get to. And whatever you decide to do, kick ass at it.
I guess that is really what I am attracted to - people who kick ass in their respective areas of life.
Psh, and I thought I liked thinness...
*Edit* Because I feel like an example is deserved, I am going to use one, and hopefully it won't offend anyone. I was at this party last week in Tucson, just a friend's party, old high school friends and whatnot. Anyone, some non-high school peeps show up, and we get to know each other. We are talking, and the girl in question is pretty cute (there were three people I didn't know, all of them pretty good looking), there is no doubt about it. Also noticed she looked like my friend Madeline, but that is irrelevant. Any way, we finally get to (this is in no way even close to the conversation that happened)
"Gerardo, how do you know these lovely people?"
"Oh, Fenix - I didn't mention that? I play men's roller derby now! This one plays for Jr. Derby, that one on the men's team with me, and she plays for Tucson Roller Derby"
"Oh, I had no idea. Hey She, which team do you play for?"
"Oh, Fenix, how pleasant of you to ask - I play for vice squad, but I also play for the saddletramps [all star team]"
"How interesting, I happened to be at the Saddletramps vs. Tex Pistols [all star team from somewhere in Texas], I don't remember you - who were you"
"Oh, I'm Lindsey Loblow"
"Really? You mean Lindsey Loblow the roller derby skater who was the fastest, most agile jammer on the track that continually confounded the other team's defense and generally kicked ass"
"Yes Fenix, the very same - I am she: Lindsey Lowblo"
"Wow, Lindsey, somewhere in the last 8 sets of quotation marks you just got a lot hotter!"
In case you were wondering, this fake conversation but entirely true story (at least as it occured in my head) is actually the reason I did this whole thought experiment in the first place.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way, I want to make clear what I mean by attractive in the physical sense (as every time I use the word attractive will mean from here on out unless otherwise stated). Actually, scratch that, that is bloody hard to do. Put simply, if I am attracted to a person, it means that I think that sex with them is something I would not be opposed to. This is not to say that I am going to take efforts to make sexual activity happen between us. But this is to say that if for some insane reason we ended up in bed together, I would be physically enjoying myself. It's a pretty simple concept, try not to make such a big thing out of it.
One of my goals here is to describe my "type" without using any clichés, which I know is going to be impossible, so just bear with me. No, you know what, that is going to be to hard, so lets try something else.
Lets make a list of possibles, like in the DSM - they don't say "if you have these symptoms, you have the following condition" no, they say if you have a certain number of these traits, it is likely you have the following condition and it would be a wise plan to consult a professional who knows what they are doing to get a better idea - but you never confirm it. Which is why we still have doctors and not computers with statistical analysis engines being the psychiatric diagnosticians. Point being: there is no formula for a type, but there are patterns and generally identifiable characteristics.
I want you all thinking about your own Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Sexual Attraction. It is a worthwhile exercise I have found.
There is a long list, and I have it in my head, and since this is a public blog, I think I'm going to keep it that way. But there is one that I think I can confidently say without offending anyone terribly - it is my personal attraction, and if you look at the people I date, you will see it is true.
I generally like slender people. I don't really know why, but something about slender people is attractive to me. But wait, that isn't really true is it - I might know why. Let's think about this. Thought experiment time! Why is it (for me personally, not for everyone) a trend to be attracted to slender people?
Sexually have I found slender people to be better in bed (meaning that are they a fit for me - nobody is universally good in bed. Sex between people is a relationship just as any other activity between people, and some people are a good fit and some are not) as a general rule? Now that I think about it, no. That isn't true at all, and I can think of a couple counterexamples.
So I am not attracted to them because they are generally better in my experience in bed with me.
Could it be.... actually, that's all I got. Why else could I be more physically attracted to a certain type almost definitely if it has nothing to do with any correlation with sexual ability?
And what do you do when you come to a nonconclusion about a question and don't know what to do? Start doubting your assumptions - perhaps I have defined this question incorrectly?
Yes, I answer myself (since I am recapping my own thought experiment, I already know where this is heading), I made an incorrect assumption. It was actually the first one I made - physical appearance and personality are actually not unrelated. Didn't think about it at first, the whole "don't judge a book by its cover" thing and all, but think about it - if someone has a lot of piercings, there is a pretty good chance their ambition is not to be come a state senator. Not that we could never have a senator with piercings, it's just that people that tend towards political activity and the public forum and being a part of our political system and people who tend towards many many piercings don't have a lot of overlap. And of course there is some as with all categories, but it would not be unreasonable to make this assumption.
So what can we reasonably say about thin people? Erm. They are thin. Shit. dead end.
Welcome to my thought experiment, I ask a lot of questions, and don't answer a lot of them.
What is it not reasonable to say about thin people? Ah ha! What can you reasonably not assume about thin people? What do thin people not do? Nope, still nothin
Ok, maybe I was questioning the wrong assumption - maybe I am not attracted to thin people at all, but possibly a quality that is really highly correlated with thin people. But obviously since I have been with people who I am highly attracted to but who would not be considered as thin as others, this quality is not perfectly correlated with thinness.
Right around this point in my thought experiment, I went off on a huge tangent about qualities that the people I surround myself with have, and things that correlate with thinness, and even went out to questioning that physical attractedness has anything to do with sexual desire whatsoever. I will save us a buttload of time by letting you know that all of these tangents got me absolutely nowhere, so we'll get to the stuff where I actually figured things about myself out. And where did I find it? The same place I always do - back at the beginning. But not my beginning, the first idea about how a species operates on a large scale. Darwin - yeah.
What makes a certain portion of its species go on? Fitness. Reproductive fitness primarily, but other kinds as well. Back long ago, people who couldn't fight off the occasional animal got dead really fast and couldn't go on. Makes sense to me. But obviously, ability to fight off animals isn't important today (there is still a standard attractiveness standard related to this, which is why the rugged mountain man with a gun and an elk head on his wall is still the hottest thing out there to some people - and that's cool, to each his or her own) so there are going to be those who find something else as a marker of reproductive fitness. Reproductive fitness sounds weird - like soley the function of your genitalia determines your fitness. Which we know not to be true. Women who smoke and drink frequently are less capable of carrying healthy offspring. Men who smoke (I don't know about drink) are less likely to be able to impregnate a woman. Obviously, there is more to it than the function of your genitalia. Let's just use the word fitness from now on - just a general fitness in life. To be able to do well in life, whatever that means to you, is your definition of fitness. If it means running a company is doing well, then that is fit for you. And if having children and raising them in the country is to do well, then someone who is very capable of doing that with you is going to be very fit to you. This is how I account for different tastes in people - I think it stems (in part) from your version of what it is to succeed in life.
So what is fitness for me? What do I consider success in my life? Well, I want to join a circus company and spend my life in the air and playing with fire and spreading creativity around and making beautiful art with my body. I also want to write that book about the philosophy of movement, specifically movement as language and means of communication. I want to leave the place I am in constantly and connect with as many people as I can and share with them the creative vision of whoever I am working for. And since we are all kind of narcissistic, we want someone with similar views as us as form of self love, but also that you want someone to fit with you, so it only makes sense that we would want people in our lives who support us in one way or another. So what kind of person fits with that lifestyle of circus and writing?
I don't need someone who can do the exact same thing, but I need someone who can help me, I think.
I think what I need is someone who can keep up with me (and obviously this goes both ways - if (s)he can keep up with my stuff, but (s)he is a religious leader in charge of persecuting the gays, I am not going to be able to keep up, i.e. that we won't be able to connect - when I say that I need, I mean that it is half of what would define a relationship, the other half needs to be there too) and connect with me on those levels.
So I'm kinda lazy, and stereotyping is easy, and we all do it every day, and there is no point denying it. We're all a rittle bit lacist (if you havn't seen Avenue Q you are not allowed to get upset about that). What kind of person can connect with me on that highly physical existence that I have? Oh man... in physically minded people. Oh man... in-shape people.
All in shape people? Psh, no - tons of in shape people whom I don't feel the slightest desire to sleep with.
Frustrating topic for me, you see.
If not just in-shape people, then what? Ok, I've got it - people who do stuff. That's what it is - people who do stuff. It doesn't matter what you do, so matter as you do it. If you swim, you swim your heart out. If you rock climb, you go out and rock climb and kick ass at it. If you climb a rope and do tricks on it, you come train with me and my friends. If you want to kick a ball around a field, you commit yourself to it. Have you ever met a person who was really intensely into honing their body who wasn't thin?
Finally got it.
I am not attracted to a nice body alone, I am attracted to nice bodies that were gained from years of work and perseverance at perfecting the physical discipline intended.
"I don't care what you believe in, just believe it"
~Shepherd Derrial Book, Firefly
I don't know about that, but I do agree when it comes to physicality. I think that in this society of laziness and apathy and technology and way too many ways to fail to take care of yourself mentally and physically it is of the utmost importance, in order to survive, to keep yourself sharp. I think that is success - to keep your mind and body working effectively for a long time, and to do that, you have to work them out.
So swim, do circus, tricks, play soccer, do triathlons, speed skate or whatever. Just do it and kick ass at it. Then in your downtime, do puzzles or crosswords or debate or play scrabble. Or do really lengthy thought experiments and see where you get to. And whatever you decide to do, kick ass at it.
I guess that is really what I am attracted to - people who kick ass in their respective areas of life.
Psh, and I thought I liked thinness...
*Edit* Because I feel like an example is deserved, I am going to use one, and hopefully it won't offend anyone. I was at this party last week in Tucson, just a friend's party, old high school friends and whatnot. Anyone, some non-high school peeps show up, and we get to know each other. We are talking, and the girl in question is pretty cute (there were three people I didn't know, all of them pretty good looking), there is no doubt about it. Also noticed she looked like my friend Madeline, but that is irrelevant. Any way, we finally get to (this is in no way even close to the conversation that happened)
"Gerardo, how do you know these lovely people?"
"Oh, Fenix - I didn't mention that? I play men's roller derby now! This one plays for Jr. Derby, that one on the men's team with me, and she plays for Tucson Roller Derby"
"Oh, I had no idea. Hey She, which team do you play for?"
"Oh, Fenix, how pleasant of you to ask - I play for vice squad, but I also play for the saddletramps [all star team]"
"How interesting, I happened to be at the Saddletramps vs. Tex Pistols [all star team from somewhere in Texas], I don't remember you - who were you"
"Oh, I'm Lindsey Loblow"
"Really? You mean Lindsey Loblow the roller derby skater who was the fastest, most agile jammer on the track that continually confounded the other team's defense and generally kicked ass"
"Yes Fenix, the very same - I am she: Lindsey Lowblo"
"Wow, Lindsey, somewhere in the last 8 sets of quotation marks you just got a lot hotter!"
 |
| Just for reference |
Thursday, October 21, 2010
An aimless entry
I have decided to write an entry in this blog. However, I have no idea what I am going to write - there is no purpose. I am going to start talking, and I am not going to stop. I will not edit (so beware of spelling errors, if I miss 'em the first time round, they are not going anywhere).
Some good news for my life: things are starting to calm down with my schedule a bit, and Evan and I are finding time for "us" time. I know, it sounds like a couple, but we used to hang out all the time in the dorms last year and just relax together. We didn't really have the time to do that this year. But with the addition of the nameless (although we decided it is a girl) hookah to our house, we are making time to smoke it together and just talk and have a good time. It really is making a difference - I feel a little bit less alone.
I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. One you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike. And I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
If you don't know what that is from, you need to educate yourself.
I have been feeling really alone recently. Most of my friends live on the other side of town, and I don't have a car, and biking around Eugene at night, while fun, is very tiring. It means that once I leave school, I'm pretty much only with the people at my house, meaning Evan. So it's good that we are hanging out again. To add to the feeling alone, I am sustaining a long distance relationship with a girl who lives 20 minutes by car from me. And a girl who goes to school not half a mile from me... Evan sees his girlfriend more than I see Chelsea, and his girlfriend lives in Corvallis... This is more than a little bit depressing. But to all the naysayers who scoffed or got uppity about this thing with Chelsea and I, you all can suck it. She is an incredible human being, and I have made up my mind that I am going to do whatever it takes to have her in my life. We will make this happen, if we have to wait we will do it. If we have to fight, we will fight.
In other news, I have a new friend! Her name is Sara, and we met under very interesting circumstances. We met about four times. The first time outside of my tap class, and she told me she was the roomie of a friend(ish) of mine. I saw her again three weeks later getting breakfast, and didn't remember her, and she introduced herself a second time. Then we ended up in class this term, and I went up to her and said "I feel like we've met before. Who are you?" and she patiently explained who she was, and that this was the third time we had met. I decided it was time to remember this girl, so I found her on facebook, and took time to remember her. Now we sit together in class, dance together in lab, and we've started talking outside of class. She is going to come over next week and we are going to watch Memento (with neither of us have seen). She will be the first person to watch something on my projector with me, so that'll be fun! I have a hypothesis why I could not remeber her. It was not yet time for us to be friends. In HIMYM philosophy, before I could meet Sara, I had to become the person I am today. I truly believe that I have changed in significant ways in the last year to the point that if we had taken the time to get to know each other when we first met, we would not have gotten along, and it would have ruined the chance at friendship now. So yeah, now I am me, and I am glad of that.
Classes: philosophy is my favorite academic class... how wrong is that? I like discussing philosophy at a time other than 7:30 in the morning (senior year, that's what I did) and I really like some of the kids in my section. The subject matter is all about identity in society (which was the source of my crisis of "self" about a month ago) and I really enjoy talking about it and learning the history of how people thought about the self. And in unit two, we are considering identitys outside of race, specifically, gender and sexuality, which is a hot topic for me! Oh, and the fact that I have a crush on my GTF helps too... Braedon has decided he is going to hum "hot for teacher" whenever I walk by...
MATH SUCKS! Correction: proofs suck. Nobody in this class is enjoying themselves, and we are all just scraping by. I will be happy with a C+ in this class, and overjoyed if I can get a B+. Yeah, it is that hard...
Tap is still fantastic, and I tap dance all the time now in my tennis shoes. Dance improv is boring, but it inspires me in other aspects of my life. I have taken some of the lessons we have learned in improv and applied them to teaching creativity in my circus life.
Looking at dance is boring, mostly because I don't care about dance history that much, but it is an easy class, and the Labs are fun because we get to dance.
Linguistics is interesting, and challenging, just the way I like it. Not much more to say, other than I will have more crazy linguistics stuff to present to my grammarian grandmother when I get back home for christmas. Yeah, that's right g'ma, I'm talkin' to you! We are gonna have more fun with morphemes than you ever thought possible!
I am going to say a quick thing about the Strowler show in seattle. This sucks, and I am struggling with how to pull this thing off. But as Koe said, I have a talent for pulling things out of my ass when I need to, so I hope it goes well... I am not going to complain about my troubles with it, nor rant about the insensitivity of inconsistency and apathy.
Official statement: I have a huge show in 10 days. I do not know how to fill 1/3 of it up, and that is ok. I will figure something out, and I will blow that audience away. You'll see - when I post the blog about my first out of state show and what an amazing experience it was, there will be no doubt in anybody's mind that I can do anything I set my mind to. Because I am Fenix. I am strong, and I know who I am. I am a creative person, capable of embodying the images I placed upon my body. I am flexible and capable of adapting to any space I am placed in, and I am the most powerful force in the universe. When one of my ideas is shown to fail for one reason or another, it is not the death of the idea, it is the birth of another. When one part of my dies, another is born. I am constantly in flux, constantly learning, and not a one person in the whole of the world can stop me.
I am born on September 19th, 1990 to two married parents. Those parents were divorced twice before I realized by own duality. I am attracted to men and women alike, and I think that if everyone would realize the beauty and love that both sexes and all genders are capable of expressing, the world world would be a better place. I am biologically male, but many days I wake up and feel female, whether I express it or not. I cannot see a time in the future where I would impose this on my life, but when someone calls me Fenix in everyday life or uses female pronouns when I am wearing a skirt it makes me happier than I can express. It makes me even happier when someone uses feminine pronouns when I am wearing regular guy clothes, but that person knows me well enough to know when I am a girl, and when I am a boy.
I like circus and dance, and I believe that I will be involved in those things for the rest of my life. History has proven that art is constantly evolving, and whenever someone thinks that we can do all that is possible, someone invents a new art form.
I have been involved in several relationships, some with men, some with women, some with both at the same time. I have been with people younger than me, some with people older. I have been with straight people, bi people, and gay people. I have been with cisgendered people, and queer people like myself.
There are many facets to me, as there are to every person. These are some of them. There are some that are so basic that they are not worth stating in a blog, because they would bore you, and some so extreme I would not put them in a blog, because they are private things that I only share with select people.
This week past was spirit week. We had coming out day on monday, and I told my coming out story. It was very powerful to say it out loud, into a microphone, to quite a few dozen people, with all the others passing by (we were in the middle of campus). The idea was to come out, to be proud of who you are, and to share your story with others. Then we had Queer Skate that afternoon. I like skating, and I like queer people, but this was something else entirely. It was a very unique experience to be in that room. I could know, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that ever single person in the room accepted me for who I was. I have never understood the need for gay pride events. Now I do. To be able to say what you want and do what you want and not worry about getting called faggot or looked at funny for how you dress (because we were all dressed pretty silly) is an amazing experience. Then there was the queer dance friday, and that was a blast. I danced with a bunch of people as a girl. People treated me like a girl. When we were getting our grind on, I was in front, even with people who were actually girls. They understood the need to be accepted, and they used the right pronouns and everything.
That's all I got for now...
Some good news for my life: things are starting to calm down with my schedule a bit, and Evan and I are finding time for "us" time. I know, it sounds like a couple, but we used to hang out all the time in the dorms last year and just relax together. We didn't really have the time to do that this year. But with the addition of the nameless (although we decided it is a girl) hookah to our house, we are making time to smoke it together and just talk and have a good time. It really is making a difference - I feel a little bit less alone.
I'm afraid that some times you'll play lonely games too. Games you can't win 'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone! Whether you like it or not, alone will be something you'll be quite a lot. And when you're alone, there's a very good chance you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants. There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul. On you will go though your enemies prowl. One you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl. Onward up many a frightening creek though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and on you will hike. And I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are.
If you don't know what that is from, you need to educate yourself.
I have been feeling really alone recently. Most of my friends live on the other side of town, and I don't have a car, and biking around Eugene at night, while fun, is very tiring. It means that once I leave school, I'm pretty much only with the people at my house, meaning Evan. So it's good that we are hanging out again. To add to the feeling alone, I am sustaining a long distance relationship with a girl who lives 20 minutes by car from me. And a girl who goes to school not half a mile from me... Evan sees his girlfriend more than I see Chelsea, and his girlfriend lives in Corvallis... This is more than a little bit depressing. But to all the naysayers who scoffed or got uppity about this thing with Chelsea and I, you all can suck it. She is an incredible human being, and I have made up my mind that I am going to do whatever it takes to have her in my life. We will make this happen, if we have to wait we will do it. If we have to fight, we will fight.
In other news, I have a new friend! Her name is Sara, and we met under very interesting circumstances. We met about four times. The first time outside of my tap class, and she told me she was the roomie of a friend(ish) of mine. I saw her again three weeks later getting breakfast, and didn't remember her, and she introduced herself a second time. Then we ended up in class this term, and I went up to her and said "I feel like we've met before. Who are you?" and she patiently explained who she was, and that this was the third time we had met. I decided it was time to remember this girl, so I found her on facebook, and took time to remember her. Now we sit together in class, dance together in lab, and we've started talking outside of class. She is going to come over next week and we are going to watch Memento (with neither of us have seen). She will be the first person to watch something on my projector with me, so that'll be fun! I have a hypothesis why I could not remeber her. It was not yet time for us to be friends. In HIMYM philosophy, before I could meet Sara, I had to become the person I am today. I truly believe that I have changed in significant ways in the last year to the point that if we had taken the time to get to know each other when we first met, we would not have gotten along, and it would have ruined the chance at friendship now. So yeah, now I am me, and I am glad of that.
Classes: philosophy is my favorite academic class... how wrong is that? I like discussing philosophy at a time other than 7:30 in the morning (senior year, that's what I did) and I really like some of the kids in my section. The subject matter is all about identity in society (which was the source of my crisis of "self" about a month ago) and I really enjoy talking about it and learning the history of how people thought about the self. And in unit two, we are considering identitys outside of race, specifically, gender and sexuality, which is a hot topic for me! Oh, and the fact that I have a crush on my GTF helps too... Braedon has decided he is going to hum "hot for teacher" whenever I walk by...
MATH SUCKS! Correction: proofs suck. Nobody in this class is enjoying themselves, and we are all just scraping by. I will be happy with a C+ in this class, and overjoyed if I can get a B+. Yeah, it is that hard...
Tap is still fantastic, and I tap dance all the time now in my tennis shoes. Dance improv is boring, but it inspires me in other aspects of my life. I have taken some of the lessons we have learned in improv and applied them to teaching creativity in my circus life.
Looking at dance is boring, mostly because I don't care about dance history that much, but it is an easy class, and the Labs are fun because we get to dance.
Linguistics is interesting, and challenging, just the way I like it. Not much more to say, other than I will have more crazy linguistics stuff to present to my grammarian grandmother when I get back home for christmas. Yeah, that's right g'ma, I'm talkin' to you! We are gonna have more fun with morphemes than you ever thought possible!
I am going to say a quick thing about the Strowler show in seattle. This sucks, and I am struggling with how to pull this thing off. But as Koe said, I have a talent for pulling things out of my ass when I need to, so I hope it goes well... I am not going to complain about my troubles with it, nor rant about the insensitivity of inconsistency and apathy.
Official statement: I have a huge show in 10 days. I do not know how to fill 1/3 of it up, and that is ok. I will figure something out, and I will blow that audience away. You'll see - when I post the blog about my first out of state show and what an amazing experience it was, there will be no doubt in anybody's mind that I can do anything I set my mind to. Because I am Fenix. I am strong, and I know who I am. I am a creative person, capable of embodying the images I placed upon my body. I am flexible and capable of adapting to any space I am placed in, and I am the most powerful force in the universe. When one of my ideas is shown to fail for one reason or another, it is not the death of the idea, it is the birth of another. When one part of my dies, another is born. I am constantly in flux, constantly learning, and not a one person in the whole of the world can stop me.
I am born on September 19th, 1990 to two married parents. Those parents were divorced twice before I realized by own duality. I am attracted to men and women alike, and I think that if everyone would realize the beauty and love that both sexes and all genders are capable of expressing, the world world would be a better place. I am biologically male, but many days I wake up and feel female, whether I express it or not. I cannot see a time in the future where I would impose this on my life, but when someone calls me Fenix in everyday life or uses female pronouns when I am wearing a skirt it makes me happier than I can express. It makes me even happier when someone uses feminine pronouns when I am wearing regular guy clothes, but that person knows me well enough to know when I am a girl, and when I am a boy.
I like circus and dance, and I believe that I will be involved in those things for the rest of my life. History has proven that art is constantly evolving, and whenever someone thinks that we can do all that is possible, someone invents a new art form.
I have been involved in several relationships, some with men, some with women, some with both at the same time. I have been with people younger than me, some with people older. I have been with straight people, bi people, and gay people. I have been with cisgendered people, and queer people like myself.
There are many facets to me, as there are to every person. These are some of them. There are some that are so basic that they are not worth stating in a blog, because they would bore you, and some so extreme I would not put them in a blog, because they are private things that I only share with select people.
This week past was spirit week. We had coming out day on monday, and I told my coming out story. It was very powerful to say it out loud, into a microphone, to quite a few dozen people, with all the others passing by (we were in the middle of campus). The idea was to come out, to be proud of who you are, and to share your story with others. Then we had Queer Skate that afternoon. I like skating, and I like queer people, but this was something else entirely. It was a very unique experience to be in that room. I could know, beyond all shadow of a doubt, that ever single person in the room accepted me for who I was. I have never understood the need for gay pride events. Now I do. To be able to say what you want and do what you want and not worry about getting called faggot or looked at funny for how you dress (because we were all dressed pretty silly) is an amazing experience. Then there was the queer dance friday, and that was a blast. I danced with a bunch of people as a girl. People treated me like a girl. When we were getting our grind on, I was in front, even with people who were actually girls. They understood the need to be accepted, and they used the right pronouns and everything.
That's all I got for now...
Friday, September 17, 2010
New Word: Lazanthetic
To begin, some definitions in preface, according to my dictionary
Lazy: averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.
Apathetic: having or showing little or no emotion
My new word, while it is not a perfect blend of the two in spelling or in definition, serves its purpose well enough.
Laz·an·thet·ic
[laz-n-thet-ik] /leiz
nˈθɛtɪk/
-adjective
1. having or showing interest or emotion, but averse or disinclined to work towards the object of that interest
There is a fairly complicated logic behind why the spelling is what it is, and unless you think linguistics jokes are funny, you will simply give me the internet version of a blank stare, which I generally try to avoid.
Now, why have I invented this word? Because in my search through the dictionary, I cannot seem to find a word that describes the phenomenon that I have observed, and so I decided in my somewhat sleep-deprived state to invent such a word.
The above mentioned word was given the necessity to exist this morning. I had decided to pick up a new juggling/spinning tool called a double-sided meteor hammer (or "meteor" for short, because nobody uses a single sided one, and if they use something similar, they call it a rope dart when it comes to circus equipment - if you want more information, I can guarantee you that wikipedia can tell you everything you want to know about it) due to my stupid need to learn new things constantly. Anyway, the basic "need to know" of a meteor is that it is a ~4.5' rope, with two weights on each end. In the chinese version, which was a weapon, they were two heavy metal balls, that when spun into an opponents head... well... hurt. In circus, they can be two rubber balls or something similar for practice, or they can be two wicks for purposes of BURN! I don't have one of these, so I improvised by tying two sock poi together. The rope is a bit short, and the weights aren't heavy enough, and the poi are uneven, so I had to adjust for that, but the idea is there.
I posted this such news on Facebook, greatly abbreviated of course, followed by conclusion that learning meteor hammer is similar to learning poi; very frustrating, and you get hit in places you least expect - in this case, the spot on my head behind my right ear (note: if someone asks you what area of your body you want to get hit gently but repeatedly should you be forced into it, there are two areas not to tell them: groin and the place behind an ear), and this second post was met with some interesting comments, which will be edited for names and shortened to give you the highlights.
Now, I have been preaching this philosophy for years, and it has reached many ears, but not enough obviously, so I shall write a blog about it, and I shall send a link to it to anyone who says such things as Ms. Normal does (there is a joke waiting to be made about her name that I set up completely accidentally, and I am a little bit pleased with myself for it - you'll see it soon enough).
Before you can understand this philosophy of mine, lets call it the "If I can do it, so can you" philosophy, or Tao of Nike (Just Do It! get it?), I will explain to you how I got into the ground based circus arts (i.e. non-aerial/acrobatic, which have stories all to themselves).
When I was around 16 I believe, someone showed me a video of a man named Chris Murdoch doing something awesome called contact juggling, and I decided I wanted to do it, so I went and found some tutorials on ContactJuggling.org, and started learning with a grapefruit. I ruined a lot of grapefruit, but this was a non-issue, considering the grapefruit tree in my yard that produced more fruit than we knew what to do with. If you choose to learn with fruit before you spend money on supplies, use something that is readily available and very round, reasonably large, and heavy (i.e. not a lime). Anyway, I spend approximately three weeks learning the butterfly before I was confident in showing to my parents and friends (with the grapefruit) and decided I wanted to buy some practice balls so that I could stop ruining potential fruit juice. I would not even like to estimate the number of grapefruits met their demise falling off of the back of my hand.
Anyway, I decided to learn traditional juggling as well - it made sense. Now, as many jugglers will tell you, every time you add another ball, the difficulty (and number of drops) increases 10 fold, so when you juggler three balls as supposed to one, you get 100 drops proportionate. As someone who has learned to juggle, I agree with this statement. So I kept going, and kept dropping what were not objects resembling fruit (thank goodness) and I kept working at it. I chased my balls all over the yard, and I picked them up (until the greatest day ever: the day I learned kick ups - my back was quite happy with me that day) until I finally got it.
Finally, now that I have gotten past my basic history, I will get to my very blunt point: YOU THINK I WAS BORN THIS COORDINATED? HELL TO THE NO! I worked my ass off to be able to keep track of three balls at the same time, and to be able to change throws and mix combinations together. How did I manage to do it? I juggled. A lot. I'm talking the kind of a lot where normal parents would say "get off the computer" my mom would yell into the back yard "Stop juggling you idiot, you have to eat sometime" and I would yell back "BUT I'VE ALMOST GOT MILLS MESS!" which I didn't actually get until 3 months later in my father's living room, but that is the story of insane determination and dedication, which is another lesson I learned for juggling, and belongs in a completely different blog entry.
Two nights ago, I spun this stupid thing around and hit myself and dropped it and knocked shit over (every time worrying if my dad and Sheila had woken up, which they didn't... or if they did, they just rolled over and whispered "I wonder what crazy thing Connor is trying to learn now") and kept going. I would take a break every 20 minutes or so to get some water, or eat something, or watch an episode of some TV show I had downloaded. That's what purpose TV serves to me these days - relaxation in between episodes of training. And most of the time, I stretch while watching TV.
Final words, I promise.
When someone comes up to me and remarks about how coordinated I am, or how talented I am, or how amazingly badass and sexy I am when I roll that ball on my arm (ok, maybe not that last one - but the other two I do get from strangers) I just want to tell them that they could do, if they would just obey the Tao of Nike. If they would take a half hour out of every day to learn a new skill, and then to practice it 30 minutes every day instead of watching TV or something else mundane and useless, they would be able to do all that I could do. Anyone who says that they wish they would love to do what I can do, but just aren't talented enough or coordinated enough, they are lazanthetic. They want to, but not bad enough to put their mind to it, and actually work for something you might not succeed at the first time.
So Abby, your reaction to what I do is understandable - we live in a fairly lazanthetic society - nobody wants to fail, so many don't try. And those are the people looking wide-eyed at me on Saturday mornings putting money in my hat for something that they could do. You really are completely Normal - are you bored of that yet?
Lazy: averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion; indolent.
Apathetic: having or showing little or no emotion
My new word, while it is not a perfect blend of the two in spelling or in definition, serves its purpose well enough.
Laz·an·thet·ic
[laz-n-thet-ik] /leiz
nˈθɛtɪk/-adjective
1. having or showing interest or emotion, but averse or disinclined to work towards the object of that interest
There is a fairly complicated logic behind why the spelling is what it is, and unless you think linguistics jokes are funny, you will simply give me the internet version of a blank stare, which I generally try to avoid.
Now, why have I invented this word? Because in my search through the dictionary, I cannot seem to find a word that describes the phenomenon that I have observed, and so I decided in my somewhat sleep-deprived state to invent such a word.
The above mentioned word was given the necessity to exist this morning. I had decided to pick up a new juggling/spinning tool called a double-sided meteor hammer (or "meteor" for short, because nobody uses a single sided one, and if they use something similar, they call it a rope dart when it comes to circus equipment - if you want more information, I can guarantee you that wikipedia can tell you everything you want to know about it) due to my stupid need to learn new things constantly. Anyway, the basic "need to know" of a meteor is that it is a ~4.5' rope, with two weights on each end. In the chinese version, which was a weapon, they were two heavy metal balls, that when spun into an opponents head... well... hurt. In circus, they can be two rubber balls or something similar for practice, or they can be two wicks for purposes of BURN! I don't have one of these, so I improvised by tying two sock poi together. The rope is a bit short, and the weights aren't heavy enough, and the poi are uneven, so I had to adjust for that, but the idea is there.
I posted this such news on Facebook, greatly abbreviated of course, followed by conclusion that learning meteor hammer is similar to learning poi; very frustrating, and you get hit in places you least expect - in this case, the spot on my head behind my right ear (note: if someone asks you what area of your body you want to get hit gently but repeatedly should you be forced into it, there are two areas not to tell them: groin and the place behind an ear), and this second post was met with some interesting comments, which will be edited for names and shortened to give you the highlights.
Abby Normal: good luck, I would have knocked myself unconscious with one... do NOT have that type of coordination.... ~hugs~
Me: nah, can't knock yourself out - my meteors are beanbags. Anything is possible with enough training, though. I worked hard on this for 5 hours straight to get the tricks I know. Practice Practice Practice.
Abby Normal: this is why you're awesome, and I'm a complete nooblet! I need to visit one day and be seriously humbled...
Now, I have been preaching this philosophy for years, and it has reached many ears, but not enough obviously, so I shall write a blog about it, and I shall send a link to it to anyone who says such things as Ms. Normal does (there is a joke waiting to be made about her name that I set up completely accidentally, and I am a little bit pleased with myself for it - you'll see it soon enough).
Before you can understand this philosophy of mine, lets call it the "If I can do it, so can you" philosophy, or Tao of Nike (Just Do It! get it?), I will explain to you how I got into the ground based circus arts (i.e. non-aerial/acrobatic, which have stories all to themselves).
When I was around 16 I believe, someone showed me a video of a man named Chris Murdoch doing something awesome called contact juggling, and I decided I wanted to do it, so I went and found some tutorials on ContactJuggling.org, and started learning with a grapefruit. I ruined a lot of grapefruit, but this was a non-issue, considering the grapefruit tree in my yard that produced more fruit than we knew what to do with. If you choose to learn with fruit before you spend money on supplies, use something that is readily available and very round, reasonably large, and heavy (i.e. not a lime). Anyway, I spend approximately three weeks learning the butterfly before I was confident in showing to my parents and friends (with the grapefruit) and decided I wanted to buy some practice balls so that I could stop ruining potential fruit juice. I would not even like to estimate the number of grapefruits met their demise falling off of the back of my hand.
Anyway, I decided to learn traditional juggling as well - it made sense. Now, as many jugglers will tell you, every time you add another ball, the difficulty (and number of drops) increases 10 fold, so when you juggler three balls as supposed to one, you get 100 drops proportionate. As someone who has learned to juggle, I agree with this statement. So I kept going, and kept dropping what were not objects resembling fruit (thank goodness) and I kept working at it. I chased my balls all over the yard, and I picked them up (until the greatest day ever: the day I learned kick ups - my back was quite happy with me that day) until I finally got it.
Finally, now that I have gotten past my basic history, I will get to my very blunt point: YOU THINK I WAS BORN THIS COORDINATED? HELL TO THE NO! I worked my ass off to be able to keep track of three balls at the same time, and to be able to change throws and mix combinations together. How did I manage to do it? I juggled. A lot. I'm talking the kind of a lot where normal parents would say "get off the computer" my mom would yell into the back yard "Stop juggling you idiot, you have to eat sometime" and I would yell back "BUT I'VE ALMOST GOT MILLS MESS!" which I didn't actually get until 3 months later in my father's living room, but that is the story of insane determination and dedication, which is another lesson I learned for juggling, and belongs in a completely different blog entry.
Two nights ago, I spun this stupid thing around and hit myself and dropped it and knocked shit over (every time worrying if my dad and Sheila had woken up, which they didn't... or if they did, they just rolled over and whispered "I wonder what crazy thing Connor is trying to learn now") and kept going. I would take a break every 20 minutes or so to get some water, or eat something, or watch an episode of some TV show I had downloaded. That's what purpose TV serves to me these days - relaxation in between episodes of training. And most of the time, I stretch while watching TV.
Final words, I promise.
When someone comes up to me and remarks about how coordinated I am, or how talented I am, or how amazingly badass and sexy I am when I roll that ball on my arm (ok, maybe not that last one - but the other two I do get from strangers) I just want to tell them that they could do, if they would just obey the Tao of Nike. If they would take a half hour out of every day to learn a new skill, and then to practice it 30 minutes every day instead of watching TV or something else mundane and useless, they would be able to do all that I could do. Anyone who says that they wish they would love to do what I can do, but just aren't talented enough or coordinated enough, they are lazanthetic. They want to, but not bad enough to put their mind to it, and actually work for something you might not succeed at the first time.
So Abby, your reaction to what I do is understandable - we live in a fairly lazanthetic society - nobody wants to fail, so many don't try. And those are the people looking wide-eyed at me on Saturday mornings putting money in my hat for something that they could do. You really are completely Normal - are you bored of that yet?
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